Good Bye 2007! Happy 2008!

2007. A year full of ups and downs. A year full of new experiences and challenges. A year of a failed relationship and even a new one too.

Started this blog exactly one year ago. Reading back all my entries now... it was kind of strange. Did I actually went through all that?! All these will served as lessons for me and hope in the new year, this blog will continue to help me in expressing myself and act as a therapeutic means for me.

We all have gone through a lot this year. We learned and we grow. We may not have the chance to talk about things and me not being there to show my support, but that doesn't mean I do not care. For all of us who are working our lives and world out in our own special way, and this I meant everyone and you know who you are. I am here and will always be here for you. No words and actions are enough to justify that. Be strong, chin up and keep smiling. We will all get there. We will.

This is my final entry for the year. Thank you all for reading and being part of my life.

Here to a better, happier and exciting New Year!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Always A Bride's Maid, Never the Bride

'Det got his Visa! We are ready to have our Civil Partnership next year! It's definitely worth every penny of it!' Dugan proclaimed!

Dugan is my landlord. English, in his 60s, very affluent, lovely gentleman.

Det is his bf. Laotian, in his 20s, do not speak many words of English, sweet guy.

Both of them met a couple of years ago in Laos when Dugan was there holidaying. After spending those time together, they kept in touch. Dugan even managed to organise everything for Det to come to London twice for the last two years for visits.

Now they are back in Thailand and I've just received the good news via email.

I am not here to judge, not to question their feelings for each other and the true meaning of Civil Partnership. So long as they are both happy, I am happy for both of them.

I only have one question. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG?!

Oh well... Time to shop myself a bonnet!

Happy Days

It wasn't my camera playing trick! The karaoke picture was taken a week after Momo left for Osaka and me just came back from Thailand :-)

Mummy's Boy

This happened on my last day in Singapore:

Rushed home for dinner before my flight back to London. Mum offered to do my laundry from my Thailand trip the night before. Ensuring me that they should all be dried by the time I go.

Typical Singapore December weather, it rained the whole day.

Got home. 'Mum, are my stuff dried?'

'No...'

'How am I going bring them back?' Puff puff!

'They should be fine.'

'No! They are gonna smell when I get back.'

'Sigh...'

'Oh! Why the bandage? What happened to your arm?'

'I fell from the stool while trying to hang your trousers out to dry.'

.................

Just before I left, my sister said to me:

'Do try to come back for CNY. Well at least for a couple of weeks. You were hardly at home this time round. Mum do fuss a lot about you. Before, during and after you were here. She basically want the whole family to be together. We all have been told to be home as much as we can when you're back.'

It never occur to me that Mum and my family felt this way of me. Mum never said a word or complaint to me that I'm always out. Me growing up was very much on me own. I did my own thing... nobody cares. I left home and went to Sydney and now in London, I did it all on me own. Weather I'm around the family or not has never been an issue for me. For me only I supposed.

Just realised that I was never alone...

One Last Push

Can someone please tell me the purpose of having a holiday?

To rest and to recharge... but no one told me of the mess at work that I have to come back to?! And it's only 14 days to Christmas!

It's not as bad to be fair but I just want to make sure all deadlines are met by end of the week. I can do it!

Out And Proud

To be fair I've always wanted to come clean to my family, especially to my Mum, sister and my niece whom I'm most close to. But over the years, I've been living far away. My Life here is very much my own and independent. And very much so, I always believed that they knew. I mean come on! Look at me! The fact that I'm from a Asian Chinese family, we just chose not to vocalise our doubts and thoughts. We all grew up that way.

After a series of random 'ambushes' from Mum about girlfriends over the years, the most recent was just last week in front of the whole family at the dinner table, I've decided that enough is enough! I said to myself, if the time is right, I will speak to my sister first. Finally, on the very last night before I head to the airport for my flight back home, my sis was helping me to repack my luggage, I thought this is it!

'Hey do you get grief from Mum about me and GIRLFRIENDS?!'

'No. Just the usual but we just ignore her questioning really.'

'So you think I should tell her?' (I've to say I cheated. I've assumed that she knew. We both went to watch Grease seven times in the cinema together. I was only 7 then!)

(After a 2 second pause) 'No. You shouldn't. This will only make her worry of you more.' To some level, I agree with her. My Mum do fuss a LOT about me.

After, we just went on doing what we were doing and chatting like usual.

At the airport, I sent my sis a text.

'... Hey, thanks for being so understanding and making it easy or me... Really appreciate it!...'

'You take care and keep in touch.'

'Thanks I will.'

'xxx'

This may sound really weird and strange for some of you, but this is a all time first between my sister and I. We are close but never this open and expressive to each other.

I do feel lighter now. I do feel that I can be myself and no need of wearing a mask now, not to one of my family members at least. I know it's only a small step, long over due I must add but definitely a great significant one.

Thanks you sis. This means a lot to me.

BAB!!!

I noticed a trend from my recent travels. Every flights that I've been on, there were crying babies! Just my luck really. Even with some of the upgrades that I've been thankfully given, there were babies not far from me!

I've nothing against babies, especially of my own niece and nephews but that's just because I'm bias! Can probably do a few minutes of playing with some of them, mainly friend's or stranger's, but after the usual times of 'oohs', 'ahhs', and even the 'ah gu gu', right then take them away from me!

I do not understand why parents want to travel half way around the world with their tiny tots! If that's your choice of starting a family, bearing babies of your own, than you should be responsible and be home bounded both yourselves and your babies until they are at least 16! It's your choice to have them, therefore do not interfere other people's space whom people like me chose not to have any!

For some strange reasons, the young ones cries and of all places, the parents decide to practice their parental skills in front of the whole cabin of 200, telling the 2 year old not to do this and not to do that. To tell you frankly, I do not care what they do. Be it giving the kids alcohol or drugs, just make them shut up and go to sleep like everyone else!

Airlines should really start enforcing a minimum age for travelling. If there is one airline who will do that, I'll be first one to join as their frequent traveller!

For some who like to know what happened to the annoying babies, they played, cried and scream non stop throughout the flight. But only when did they stopped?! Of course only when the flight touched down, they decided that it's actually time for them to sleep because they are now tired. Aw blessed! The parents said.

Ban All Babies! BAB! BAB! BAB!

Home Sweet Home

I'm finally home.

Got home this morning, got change and went straight into the office. It was so surreal! Back into my routine right away. From sunny weather and smiley faces to grey cold morning and being one of the many gloomy faces on the train... staring into my own reflection. Sian!

So much have been said and written from all our entries from the last two weeks. Not much to add except thanking you guys for the ever so wonderful times. Till the next time and hopefully soon... Chin up and keep smiling.

L.O.V.E

Does saying The word when both were drunk count?

Is it mandatory for one to response back the same way if The word was said?

Is saying out loud of The word important and a must in a relationship?

If there is a conflict of expression in a relationship, is it still wise to carry on?

There are 101 ways of expressing oneself. Through actions and not just words. Words mean nothing if there are no actions that follow.

Only time will tell.

The One - A Curse Or A Blessing?

Now I am sitting here in my hotel room all by myself. D is out in the gym. A strange feeling is rushing through me.

As time goes by, you get to know more of each other. You learn to believe and trust each other. All your previous experiences can only served as a reminder of the past but not as a one thumb rule for all.

Meeting a new person means new experiences, new learning (his random readings of articles and findings of the world never fails to amuse me), accepting differences, manage expectations, new discoveries of the person and even myself. A challenge that one have to take on when embarking on a new journey. Letting go of one old self and thinking and embrace the new you.

N ever said this to me when we first split up years ago. One day I will meet someone who will break my heart as painful as I've hurt his. Then I will only know and understand how it feels for him.

D could be The One. Have never guessed that by saying this... it brings both joy and fear.

Please take this heavy heart away.

One Moment In Time

Finally arrived into Bangkok last night. Coincidentally it was the King's 80th Birthday as well (The English Queen eat your heart out when it comes to having a Birthday party with your 'subjects'!). While the celebration is well going on, we found ourselves in the hotel bar on the 37th floor as we all do. The view of the river was just phenomenon!

When the finale fireworks were lighting up the skies all along the river, I can only try to take everything in and hopefully freeze this moment. That moment for the three special words.

The second drinks just arrived. Maybe another time.

Sailing down the Chao Phraya River today was a very energising experience to say the least. The speed, the heat, the water, the boats, the tall buildings in contrast with the old shabby huts side by side, the sights and lives along the river just set your heart racing fast.

And I had that moment again. Stood next to him in the long boat, we both smiled and looking into each other eyes in that very tiny short instant. I'm sure there was someone right now being sick at the back of the boat! Now maybe even! :-)

A loud whistle blew! Time to disembark. Maybe another time.

Is This Heaven?

Meant to blog this entry a few days ago but just didn't have the opportunity to. The moment I arrived into Phuket, the excitement and anticipation was almost too much for me. One can only smile.

The island was beautiful... can't say much of the airport and the quality of life of the locals though. One do wonder the real deal outside of all the posh hotels and resorts.

I know this may sound really cliche and cheesy but please do allow me just this once of indulgence... the moment D arrives, when our eyes caught each other in the arrival lounge, that smile and how I felt then... it will be one of the many special moments I will always cherish. By having this entry, this will help me remember that moment, which I will and can always revisit when I feel the need to.

As with all fairy tale setting, the next 5 days were just amazing. From the spa retreat that we stayed in, the room, the view, the meals, the spa, the sights, the weather, the conversations, the laughter, the silence and all the time we spent together were perfect. Regardless of all the craziness going on around us, nothing seemed to matter.

If this is Heaven, I will happily die now.