Another year. Another New Year's Eve. In the last 12 months there were lost and gains, sadness and happiness, mishaps and many great adventures, disappointments and fulfillment, failures and achievements, people you bid farewells and even new friends made. A great year indeed, which I will never have it any other ways.
This New Year brings many uncertainties and insecurities but also many new hopes, dreams and challenges for many. Challenges they may be but won't they be worthless if we don't put up a fight?
May we all take this moment in the midst of all the craziness of this festive season, to remember our love ones, family and dear friends (near and far far away), be grateful for all the things we have... family, real and by choice, some dearer than real family. Regardless of how some things has turned out to be, we are here and we will always have each other.
May this new dawn brings joy. May this new day brings contentment. Wish you all a very Happy and healthy 2009!
Wednesday 31 December 2008
New Dawn New Day
Tuesday 30 December 2008
Christmas At The Masters
3 full days of family Christmas at the Masters. From the Christmas Eve dinner D and I prepared to D's Mum's Christmas 3 day spread and finishing off with me and D's Dad sharing the kitchen preparing our lunch before we bid farewell... a tiring but amazing time had by all.
- Lots of food and wine. Home-made puddings and great cheeses.
- Stocking pressies after Christmas breakfast, tree pressies during lunch, and more main pressies after lunch.
- Trivia Pursuit in the evening followed by a light supper.
- Early morning walk with the whole family into the village on Boxing Day and finish off with a couple of pints in the village pub.
- More food after and followed by more Trivia and UNO.
Family traditions of the Masters and all done with such ease and joy.
All the food and presents aside, I cannot ask for more than such wonderful welcomes and acceptances from the family. D was still D and I was just another new addition to the family... That's how I feel at least.
I can only wish that I've left a good impression. A hug from D's Dad while saying goodbyes said it all.
It may be just another Christmas for some families but to me, it was the most beautiful family Christmas that I've always dreamed of having. And for that, I will always be grateful.
- Lots of food and wine. Home-made puddings and great cheeses.
- Stocking pressies after Christmas breakfast, tree pressies during lunch, and more main pressies after lunch.
- Trivia Pursuit in the evening followed by a light supper.
- Early morning walk with the whole family into the village on Boxing Day and finish off with a couple of pints in the village pub.
- More food after and followed by more Trivia and UNO.
Family traditions of the Masters and all done with such ease and joy.
All the food and presents aside, I cannot ask for more than such wonderful welcomes and acceptances from the family. D was still D and I was just another new addition to the family... That's how I feel at least.
I can only wish that I've left a good impression. A hug from D's Dad while saying goodbyes said it all.
It may be just another Christmas for some families but to me, it was the most beautiful family Christmas that I've always dreamed of having. And for that, I will always be grateful.
Sunday 21 December 2008
Wednesday 17 December 2008
The R Words
Recession - The word that everyone is talking about now. The news in the papers, on TV, stories we hear from friends, from work, from clients. All grey and gloomy. The property market is declining (which is great!), companies and stores closing down, banks shutting and being bought over, all industries looking at cost cutting, people stop travelling, people cautious of spending. They've said that this recession started in Dec 2007 and will usually last for 18 months... and if that's true, come June 2009... things should get better. So we shall wait and see. Just one question, just how did we get ourselves into this state?! No one realise and forecast what was coming? Were we really living in a big bubble waiting to burst?!
Re-structuring - Actually got the news when I first arrived back in Singapore a few weeks ago. Not a piece of good news to start off a short weekend back home but I soldiered on. Basically, they've decided and have to re-structure my department because Paris Head Office have decided not to fund our operations as from 2009. And therefore my section will not exist as from January. They've offered me two options within the company. Pressing for time upon arrival, I went along, convinced myself that it is the right thing to do. Said yes to the process of re-applying for a job.
Re-think - When the dust starts to settle, you then see more clearly of what is being presented to you. It's two great positions but I'm not excited of them. Moving on to a new job, I've always been and wanted to be motivated, excited, driven, feeling new, energise, curious and know that I can make a different and impact. But this time I'm not. To be fair, after 3.5 years with the company, I'm dying for a change. I've been looking for a change for the last 6 months. I know it's important for me to have a job now especially in this current climate, but should I go into something that I will not enjoy and one that I've been trying to get out from? Should I just get something and then start looking around further? What about floristry? I do not have any huge financial commitment & no mortgages, no family to feed... so why not? Have I not been complaining about not having enough time holding a full time job and still venturing into floristry part time? I enjoy what I do for a living but isn't the client interactions and showcasing of hotels that I truely enjoy but not the business dealing side of things? Wasn't the creativity of floristry that drove me to it in the first place?
Redundancy - It is very surreal. I've never ever been in this situation before and never thought I'll be. I've decided to take the redundancy package. I've decided not to go forth with the two positions. Had a long discussion with D, explained to him the logic behind my decision and have assured him that I will not be a burden to him in many ways. In fact, he was so proud and glad that I've decided on taking this route. Regardless of whatever happens, he will always support me he said. It is a very risky step to take but I'm willing to take the plunge. Of course I will still be looking for new opportunities but until I find the right role with the right company, floristry is the word! We've all heard of great stories and successes that people have carved out for themselves after redundancy and I can only pray that it will happen to me too. I've packed my bags and ventured into Sydney on me own before! I've moved everything to London and started my career in the hotel industry 7.5 years ago and now I'm with D and have a fantastic group of friends here. Surely I can do it again! Life's too short. Live a little. Say a little prayer for me though!
Re-structuring - Actually got the news when I first arrived back in Singapore a few weeks ago. Not a piece of good news to start off a short weekend back home but I soldiered on. Basically, they've decided and have to re-structure my department because Paris Head Office have decided not to fund our operations as from 2009. And therefore my section will not exist as from January. They've offered me two options within the company. Pressing for time upon arrival, I went along, convinced myself that it is the right thing to do. Said yes to the process of re-applying for a job.
Re-think - When the dust starts to settle, you then see more clearly of what is being presented to you. It's two great positions but I'm not excited of them. Moving on to a new job, I've always been and wanted to be motivated, excited, driven, feeling new, energise, curious and know that I can make a different and impact. But this time I'm not. To be fair, after 3.5 years with the company, I'm dying for a change. I've been looking for a change for the last 6 months. I know it's important for me to have a job now especially in this current climate, but should I go into something that I will not enjoy and one that I've been trying to get out from? Should I just get something and then start looking around further? What about floristry? I do not have any huge financial commitment & no mortgages, no family to feed... so why not? Have I not been complaining about not having enough time holding a full time job and still venturing into floristry part time? I enjoy what I do for a living but isn't the client interactions and showcasing of hotels that I truely enjoy but not the business dealing side of things? Wasn't the creativity of floristry that drove me to it in the first place?
Redundancy - It is very surreal. I've never ever been in this situation before and never thought I'll be. I've decided to take the redundancy package. I've decided not to go forth with the two positions. Had a long discussion with D, explained to him the logic behind my decision and have assured him that I will not be a burden to him in many ways. In fact, he was so proud and glad that I've decided on taking this route. Regardless of whatever happens, he will always support me he said. It is a very risky step to take but I'm willing to take the plunge. Of course I will still be looking for new opportunities but until I find the right role with the right company, floristry is the word! We've all heard of great stories and successes that people have carved out for themselves after redundancy and I can only pray that it will happen to me too. I've packed my bags and ventured into Sydney on me own before! I've moved everything to London and started my career in the hotel industry 7.5 years ago and now I'm with D and have a fantastic group of friends here. Surely I can do it again! Life's too short. Live a little. Say a little prayer for me though!
Sunday 14 December 2008
Friday 12 December 2008
Friends Reunited
Definitely unplanned and totally spontaneous. Call it a blessing in disguise. Because of what happened in Bangkok, our flights were diverted to Singapore! In the end, we caught up with my families, my dear friends, great food, shopping and even sampled the ever 'interesting' bar and club scene of Singapore.
Singapore will always be part of me, even though the next time I visit I will be of different citizenship officially... Singapore will always be special to me.
Hectic but worth every single minute of it! Till next time, take care of yourselves everyone. See you all soon xxx
Fantasy Island
After a very sociable week in Sydney and Melbourne, catching up with old friends, funky bars, amazing restaurants, we've arrived onto Paradise Bay Long Island at Whitsundays in a helicopter.
A resort made up of 10 Eco huts by the beach. No TV, no phone reception, no Internet. Just hot summer weather, crystal clear sea water, reef sharks & sting rays swimming by the shore, out sailing to secluded beaches, snorkeling, beautiful breakfast, healthy packed lunches on board the catamaran, pre-dinner drinks and canapes, brilliant 3 course dinner & wine with cooling sea breeze and star lit skies as back drop. For 6 long lazy days. Bliss.
It was a great relaxing time and we both needed it. Fantastic experience and I will not change it for any other way. But 6 long days!
Sorry... I'm a city boy after all.
A resort made up of 10 Eco huts by the beach. No TV, no phone reception, no Internet. Just hot summer weather, crystal clear sea water, reef sharks & sting rays swimming by the shore, out sailing to secluded beaches, snorkeling, beautiful breakfast, healthy packed lunches on board the catamaran, pre-dinner drinks and canapes, brilliant 3 course dinner & wine with cooling sea breeze and star lit skies as back drop. For 6 long lazy days. Bliss.
It was a great relaxing time and we both needed it. Fantastic experience and I will not change it for any other way. But 6 long days!
Sorry... I'm a city boy after all.
Homecoming Queen
Sydney... A city I've spent 3 years of my Life in. The same streets, the same buildings, the same harbour, the same sea, the same views. Its all coming back to me.
When we went back to my school in Manly, the familiar setting and seeing students in the same uniform I was in 8 years ago brought back fond memories.
Walking into the pie shop I worked in got me all nostalgic too. For memory sake, D even insisted that we should have lunch in there.
Still a beautiful city. The pace of Life is definitely more gentle. Seeing the city again, nothing has actually changed... I have for sure and I'm very sure I'll be missing London by the end of this holiday.
When we went back to my school in Manly, the familiar setting and seeing students in the same uniform I was in 8 years ago brought back fond memories.
Walking into the pie shop I worked in got me all nostalgic too. For memory sake, D even insisted that we should have lunch in there.
Still a beautiful city. The pace of Life is definitely more gentle. Seeing the city again, nothing has actually changed... I have for sure and I'm very sure I'll be missing London by the end of this holiday.
Monday 24 November 2008
Star Moon & Sun
Our holiday has brought us back to Bangkok once again. A city that we both love. Fascinated by the culture, food, the place, almost guaranteed sunshine, shopping, the nightlife and the people have kept us wanting to come back for more. We are very lucky to do so a few times this year. Each time I get to know the city better and observing the daily lives of the locals more and more.
Across our dinner table on our first night in Bangkok, came in a group of Japanese old men with their young Asian 'girlfriends'. All the men looked like the girl's granddads. The girls all spoke in fluent Japanese. Talking and laughing with the men and making small talks among themselves. One of the girls took the lead of ordering their food and have kept it all very polite and flirty. It was so interesting to watch how they all went about their 'routines'. The body language, the sweet nothings, the girlish laughter, holding hands under the table, all there to play a role and fulfilling a need and fantasy. Than came the food... the big prawns, lobsters, expensive meats and dishes covered the whole table. All eating, drinking and being merry. Do make one wonder their real stories behind every person. Was she from a poor family? Who is she supporting? What's her purpose of doing this? It might even be her first time tasting such food. With her language skill, why not become a translator? Is he married? Kids? What the family will think? Is he lonely and not loved?
Went for a reflexology massage the next day. The girl who was doing my legs aged probably only 16 or 17 years old. She actually reminds me of my niece. Very sweet looking and you can see that she's rather new to the work but nevertheless still very good at what she does. I can't help but start to compare her to my niece. Both of about the same age, my niece have chose to leave the family home and went for oversea studies. In the name of studies, her family have worked hard to support her and making sure that she is well looked after. Moving from Perth back to Singapore, Seoul now and soon to be in Osaka. From one university to another. All in the name of studies. I can only hope that she is picking up and learning real Life experiences as she goes along and not waste her Life and this fantastic opportunity that not many people gets. On a contrary, this girl was scrubbing my feet and massaging them with her firm hands. How many massages she has to do to earn enough money for herself and family? How many hours does she work? Is she still in school?
Went to a few new bars this time with D. What I saw on stage and around me appalled me. Things people do for money left me speechless. I'm not on my high horse and being uptight about things I witnessed, but can't help but feel sorry for the people on and off stage. We left the bar very quickly.
Across our dinner table on our first night in Bangkok, came in a group of Japanese old men with their young Asian 'girlfriends'. All the men looked like the girl's granddads. The girls all spoke in fluent Japanese. Talking and laughing with the men and making small talks among themselves. One of the girls took the lead of ordering their food and have kept it all very polite and flirty. It was so interesting to watch how they all went about their 'routines'. The body language, the sweet nothings, the girlish laughter, holding hands under the table, all there to play a role and fulfilling a need and fantasy. Than came the food... the big prawns, lobsters, expensive meats and dishes covered the whole table. All eating, drinking and being merry. Do make one wonder their real stories behind every person. Was she from a poor family? Who is she supporting? What's her purpose of doing this? It might even be her first time tasting such food. With her language skill, why not become a translator? Is he married? Kids? What the family will think? Is he lonely and not loved?
Went for a reflexology massage the next day. The girl who was doing my legs aged probably only 16 or 17 years old. She actually reminds me of my niece. Very sweet looking and you can see that she's rather new to the work but nevertheless still very good at what she does. I can't help but start to compare her to my niece. Both of about the same age, my niece have chose to leave the family home and went for oversea studies. In the name of studies, her family have worked hard to support her and making sure that she is well looked after. Moving from Perth back to Singapore, Seoul now and soon to be in Osaka. From one university to another. All in the name of studies. I can only hope that she is picking up and learning real Life experiences as she goes along and not waste her Life and this fantastic opportunity that not many people gets. On a contrary, this girl was scrubbing my feet and massaging them with her firm hands. How many massages she has to do to earn enough money for herself and family? How many hours does she work? Is she still in school?
Went to a few new bars this time with D. What I saw on stage and around me appalled me. Things people do for money left me speechless. I'm not on my high horse and being uptight about things I witnessed, but can't help but feel sorry for the people on and off stage. We left the bar very quickly.
Wednesday 12 November 2008
Sleepless In London
The freaking alarm has been going on for the last 10 hours! It's coming from a shop on the street. That's the problem when you live right in the commercial district. Shop's shut, some drunk idiot decide to play with the shop windows and lock, alarm goes off, no one's here to switch it off, we've been listening to the bloody alarm for the whole night in bed!
Now I'm getting a headache, not enough sleep, one day in the week where we get to sleep in and I'm up feeling nausea! Argh!
Now I know how it feels like to be sound tortured. Grumpy day ahead!
Now I'm getting a headache, not enough sleep, one day in the week where we get to sleep in and I'm up feeling nausea! Argh!
Now I know how it feels like to be sound tortured. Grumpy day ahead!
Sunday 9 November 2008
10 45
10 days to our next holiday! This time round, it will bring us back to Sydney, Melbourne and Whitsundays. Proper summer weather, meeting old friends, great food, exciting city lifestyles and not forgetting the 6 days stay in an Eco lodge on a Whitsundays island. Take me there now! It will be my first trip back to Sydney since I left the city for London 7.5 years ago. It will be so weird going back, but I can't wait!
45 days to Christmas! It helps when D is a big Christmas fan, and his family too! So expect a full 3 days extravaganza over the Christmas period. Sumptuous food & wine, board games, Christmas morning walk into the village, drinks in the country pub, pressies, pressies and more pressies! First ever family Christmas too... so no pressure!
It will be crazy leading to this time of the year but hey someone has got to do it! So bring on the deadlines & Christmas shopping crowd! Let the fun begins!
Wednesday 5 November 2008
La Cage Aux Folles
A story line which we are all familiar with. All the laughter and glitters. Highly camp and great fun to watch.
Seeing 'La Cage Aux Folles' on stage for the first time brought a complete different meaning to the movie that I used to know. It is still as camp and fun but with more laughter and glitter! The small theatre made it an intimate experience as well.
'I am what I am' brought new emotions and convictions. 'A little More Mascara' brought warm smile in the heart. 'The Best Of Times' made you want to stand up, dance and sing out loud!. 'Look Over There' brought tears to my eyes. D holding my hand during 'Song On The Sand'...
It may be cold, wet and wintry outside, but truly a heart warming and entertaining evening in La Cage, St Tropez!
Seeing 'La Cage Aux Folles' on stage for the first time brought a complete different meaning to the movie that I used to know. It is still as camp and fun but with more laughter and glitter! The small theatre made it an intimate experience as well.
'I am what I am' brought new emotions and convictions. 'A little More Mascara' brought warm smile in the heart. 'The Best Of Times' made you want to stand up, dance and sing out loud!. 'Look Over There' brought tears to my eyes. D holding my hand during 'Song On The Sand'...
It may be cold, wet and wintry outside, but truly a heart warming and entertaining evening in La Cage, St Tropez!
Friday 31 October 2008
Friends Or Foes?
Sometimes it only take so little to distinguish between friends and acquaintances.
Someone whom you regard as friend can be so alien and self absorbed. And you do wonder why? Are they aware of their behaviour or is it just me for having too high expectations of them and of our relations?
Strange feeling but hey C'est la vie!
Someone whom you regard as friend can be so alien and self absorbed. And you do wonder why? Are they aware of their behaviour or is it just me for having too high expectations of them and of our relations?
Strange feeling but hey C'est la vie!
Saturday 18 October 2008
What If
I know it has been a long while but have always wondered how he's doing. Wanting to know and yet not at the same time. But here he is again. Like a ghost hiding behind doors, jumping at you when you least expected it.
His smiley face still the same, his eyes looking at me through this picture in a magazine. He seems happy.
Time to move on. No more what if.
His smiley face still the same, his eyes looking at me through this picture in a magazine. He seems happy.
Time to move on. No more what if.
Wednesday 15 October 2008
Facets Of Life
No more nagging. No more getting myself so involved and upset. Its your Life and you make your own choices. I can only be your uncle and nothing more. Just don't waste your Life away. Cherish every minute of it and make something out of it.
........
Hand on my heart, after all these time... I can say that I trust you. No doubts and no pretence. Just you and me. I believe in us and have total confident in us. We are both mature adults and are both realists. Just remember I'm not young nor am I innocent.
........
I do enjoy what I do and have to say that I'm good at what I do. But what else is there?! Both good people and difficult people I work with. It pays decent money but there's always room for wanting more. There are other roles and companies you can move to but won't this just be sweeping the dust under the carpet and when the dust re-surface again... what happen next?
Monday 6 October 2008
By Appointment
I've done it. I've taken my Oath of allegiance to the Queen and take the pledge of loyalty to United Kingdom. I'm a bona fide British citizen now. Regardless of where I decide to move next in the future, I can always come back here. London is my home now.
It all happened so quickly. The whole ceremony didn't take more than 40mins. The Lord Mayor of Westminster was present and conducted the ceremony. We even have a picture of the Queen in the room!
I don't feel any difference to be fair. I'm still who I am and nothing is going to change that. I'm still proud to be a Singaporean regardless of what my travel document states otherwise. I still have the Singaporean in me and no one can take that away. Like the saying goes... you can take the boy out of Singapore but you can't take Singapore out from a boy.
I promise that I'll still hold dearly to my true Singaporean self and will still get teary when watching National Day Parade;-)
It all happened so quickly. The whole ceremony didn't take more than 40mins. The Lord Mayor of Westminster was present and conducted the ceremony. We even have a picture of the Queen in the room!
I don't feel any difference to be fair. I'm still who I am and nothing is going to change that. I'm still proud to be a Singaporean regardless of what my travel document states otherwise. I still have the Singaporean in me and no one can take that away. Like the saying goes... you can take the boy out of Singapore but you can't take Singapore out from a boy.
I promise that I'll still hold dearly to my true Singaporean self and will still get teary when watching National Day Parade;-)
Wednesday 1 October 2008
Lady In Waiting - At Her Majesty's Pleasure
It's finally here! They have approved my application for British citizenship and the letter of invitation to the citizenship ceremony have just arrived in the post today. Wasn't expecting it to arrive till before Christmas, so I'm really pleased.
I have within three months to attend the ceremony to take the Oath of allegiance to the Crown and a Pledge of loyalty to the United Kingdom. As stated in the letter, this is a formal promise to Her Majesty the Queen and the United Kingdom.
With this means I'm also eligible to apply for the British passport and by doing so, I would have to renounce my Singapore citizenship.
I have within three months to attend the ceremony to take the Oath of allegiance to the Crown and a Pledge of loyalty to the United Kingdom. As stated in the letter, this is a formal promise to Her Majesty the Queen and the United Kingdom.
With this means I'm also eligible to apply for the British passport and by doing so, I would have to renounce my Singapore citizenship.
I've been waiting for this for so long. Wanting this more than anything else. Seven years in the waiting. But now...
Monday 29 September 2008
Highway 101
A road trip that took us from Las Vegas and Grand Canyon, drove through Death Valley, Yosemite National Park, Napa Valley and finally San Francisco. Over 10 days and driven 800 miles from Nevada to California.
Having a laugh at the expense of true poor American taste and trying out our luck at the Roulette table in Vegas. Taking in all the amazing sights of Grand Canyon, Death Valley and Yosemite. Passing through Bishop, an old American town that reminds me of 'Northern Exposure'. Tasting and experiencing the great vineyards in Napa. Enjoying the ever so bohemian lifestyle and the beautiful setting of San Francisco. And throughout, fantastic food in brilliant restaurants.
Having a laugh at the expense of true poor American taste and trying out our luck at the Roulette table in Vegas. Taking in all the amazing sights of Grand Canyon, Death Valley and Yosemite. Passing through Bishop, an old American town that reminds me of 'Northern Exposure'. Tasting and experiencing the great vineyards in Napa. Enjoying the ever so bohemian lifestyle and the beautiful setting of San Francisco. And throughout, fantastic food in brilliant restaurants.
Great adventures, great company, and the fondest memories. Can only wish for more to come.
Thursday 25 September 2008
Do You Believe In Miracles?
If there are really miracles in this world... I've found one. One word... Suqqu.Suqqu Clear Veil Powder. Tested this out while I was away on holiday and what can I say?! Pure magic!
This silicone based powder is clear and transparent, so it won't leave a chalky residue on the skin. It comes in a sleek black case, and has a fluffy brush in the compartment underneath.
The texture is smooth, and you really can't trace it on the skin. It mattify any oily bits, take away the shine on my forehead, leaving a satiny-matte look. And apparently stretches and smooth the skin and even out fine lines as well.
If this is not miracle, I do not know what is!
Wednesday 24 September 2008
Sleepless In London
It's about 3am now and it's the second night in the row. I'm wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. That's what 10 days in States does to you!
D is still in San Francisco for work and I'm here tossing and turning in bed thinking of unfinished work in the office.
Looks like it's going to be a long day ahead.
D is still in San Francisco for work and I'm here tossing and turning in bed thinking of unfinished work in the office.
Looks like it's going to be a long day ahead.
Monday 8 September 2008
Thursday 4 September 2008
Secret Rendezvous
Anything spontaneous is always exciting, bad and fun, especially when it's like a naughty afternoon with D.
Managed to move my meetings and finished early today and when walked into the flat, D was home too! Both had enough of the long week and came home for refuge.
Before you know it, we were cuddled up on the sofa and falling asleep. Both needed it though and felt so much better after.
I supposed work life will never be perfect and easy, but if along the way one can have a bit of fun and do something unusual and share the enjoyment with someone, I can only hope the journey will be a bit more bearable.
Managed to move my meetings and finished early today and when walked into the flat, D was home too! Both had enough of the long week and came home for refuge.
Before you know it, we were cuddled up on the sofa and falling asleep. Both needed it though and felt so much better after.
I supposed work life will never be perfect and easy, but if along the way one can have a bit of fun and do something unusual and share the enjoyment with someone, I can only hope the journey will be a bit more bearable.
Tuesday 2 September 2008
Sian!
It's happening again! That same old feeling... that same old frustration... that same old boredom...
Day in day out... answering emails, phone calls, meetings, reports, projects, targets to meet, pay in, pay out, working with waste of space people, working with ungrateful and never satisfied clients...
Is it just about how much money you make each month? Is it just about the lifestyle you can lead? It is just about what property you can buy? Is it just about how much money you can send home?
Surely there are more meaningful things to do in Life. Surely there are more rewarding things to do in Life. Surely there are more fulfilling things to do in Life. Surely there should be a balance in Life.
Day in day out... answering emails, phone calls, meetings, reports, projects, targets to meet, pay in, pay out, working with waste of space people, working with ungrateful and never satisfied clients...
Is it just about how much money you make each month? Is it just about the lifestyle you can lead? It is just about what property you can buy? Is it just about how much money you can send home?
Surely there are more meaningful things to do in Life. Surely there are more rewarding things to do in Life. Surely there are more fulfilling things to do in Life. Surely there should be a balance in Life.
I would love to pour my heart and soul, work long hours and truly enjoy what I do but I am not.
This is not a good sign. It's stronger than ever.
Sunday 31 August 2008
Tiger Beer Chilli Crab Festival
It was a great hang over cure after a big Saturday night out! The weather wasn't brilliant at start but did warm up in the end.
Held in East End and was definitely highly anticipated throughout the week. Comfort food like Chicken Rice, Char Kway Teow, Nonya Laksa and of course the legendary Chilli Crab brought back all the good old memories. And sharing these with a group of close friends made it even more special even though the food quality just wasn't quite the same.
Great festival to have (thanks to Singapore Tourism Board) but have also made me miss the real thing even more!
Saturday 30 August 2008
Mr & Mrs Masters
The day after the night before.
We both made it home on time after a long day's work yesterday. The last minute tidying up and got ready. Flowers were arranged, candles lit. Kept checking myself in the mirror, pacing myself around the living room.
'What time are we expecting them again baby?'
'You asked that already!'
'And?!'
'No pressure but if they don't like you, you're out!'
'Fu#k off!'
Buzzer! Sh#t!
Said hello, hand shakes. Singapore Girl smile. So far so good.
'Wow! This place look more like a home already!'
'Oh thank you... D helped too! Wink!
Champagne poured. 'Welcome to Kenny! And to D's decision!' (Ever so subtle, ever so English)
The evening went really well after. The 'interview' throughout the evening went without a hitch. I was in my best behaviour even after glasses of champagne and wine. The walk to the restaurant was chatty, they loved the place, the menu was brilliant, and both wine and conversation were flowing freely.
D's parents were so lovely. Very friendly and so accepting and welcoming. What I really admired them most was from D coming out to them last Sunday, and here we were having dinner together five days after... the catalyst for this meeting were hardly mentioned at all. They had embraced D and our relationship completely without any prejudice. I do believed that they have known about D for a long while but have waited for D to 'come clean' to them at his own time and will.
The power of Love and family ties runs deeper and were ever so prominent and strong.
At the end of the evening, we've walked them to the station to see them off. Said our goodbyes and the last parting words from D's Dad were 'Will you watch over him?'
'I will.' Looking at D, smiled. His Dad smiled and waved goodbye.
We both made it home on time after a long day's work yesterday. The last minute tidying up and got ready. Flowers were arranged, candles lit. Kept checking myself in the mirror, pacing myself around the living room.
'What time are we expecting them again baby?'
'You asked that already!'
'And?!'
'No pressure but if they don't like you, you're out!'
'Fu#k off!'
Buzzer! Sh#t!
Said hello, hand shakes. Singapore Girl smile. So far so good.
'Wow! This place look more like a home already!'
'Oh thank you... D helped too! Wink!
Champagne poured. 'Welcome to Kenny! And to D's decision!' (Ever so subtle, ever so English)
The evening went really well after. The 'interview' throughout the evening went without a hitch. I was in my best behaviour even after glasses of champagne and wine. The walk to the restaurant was chatty, they loved the place, the menu was brilliant, and both wine and conversation were flowing freely.
D's parents were so lovely. Very friendly and so accepting and welcoming. What I really admired them most was from D coming out to them last Sunday, and here we were having dinner together five days after... the catalyst for this meeting were hardly mentioned at all. They had embraced D and our relationship completely without any prejudice. I do believed that they have known about D for a long while but have waited for D to 'come clean' to them at his own time and will.
The power of Love and family ties runs deeper and were ever so prominent and strong.
At the end of the evening, we've walked them to the station to see them off. Said our goodbyes and the last parting words from D's Dad were 'Will you watch over him?'
'I will.' Looking at D, smiled. His Dad smiled and waved goodbye.
Tuesday 26 August 2008
Meet The Parents
I know it's only a matter of time now that I've moved in but this Friday! Yes the time has come for me to meet D's parents.
For those who knew the background, D was out to everyone except his parents. Over the years he has been waiting for the right moment and time to tell his parents the truth about himself. Over the last twelve months, all the get-together with his sister's family and friends, all the holidays we took, all the things we did together over the last year... all were carefully mentioned with only the 'appropriate' details to his parents. It was getting a bit silly really.
The usual concern of how they will react and most important of all, wanting to introduce someone to his parents only when he knows the relationship is serious enough (No pressure there!), has kept him from telling them until now. Over lunch on Saturday just passed, he grapped that moment when was asked about his London pad, he told them that I've just moved in and the rest were history.
I'm really glad that D finally did it! No more covering up and it's also his way of committing to this relationship... for that I'm very pleased.
So now the question is... What am I going to wear?! How should I behave?! I've done the 'parent's round' before but I've never been so anxious! Feels like an important interview coming! I really want to impress them and make D proud! And its this Fri night! Arrgh!
For those who knew the background, D was out to everyone except his parents. Over the years he has been waiting for the right moment and time to tell his parents the truth about himself. Over the last twelve months, all the get-together with his sister's family and friends, all the holidays we took, all the things we did together over the last year... all were carefully mentioned with only the 'appropriate' details to his parents. It was getting a bit silly really.
The usual concern of how they will react and most important of all, wanting to introduce someone to his parents only when he knows the relationship is serious enough (No pressure there!), has kept him from telling them until now. Over lunch on Saturday just passed, he grapped that moment when was asked about his London pad, he told them that I've just moved in and the rest were history.
I'm really glad that D finally did it! No more covering up and it's also his way of committing to this relationship... for that I'm very pleased.
So now the question is... What am I going to wear?! How should I behave?! I've done the 'parent's round' before but I've never been so anxious! Feels like an important interview coming! I really want to impress them and make D proud! And its this Fri night! Arrgh!
Monday 25 August 2008
Home Sweet Home
Finally, all boxes unpacked and everything put away. The move went really smoothly with R & N's help and of course D as well. I'm so glad that all my things fit in the flat. D even commented that it felt like all my stuff have always been here!
D has been great throughout the move. So willing and supportive. The evening I moved in, a bottle of Bollinger and a couple of Prada gift wrapped boxes sat on the kitchen table. It was the new Prada perfume pour Homme and the Prada toiletry bag that I recently lost from our bike ride. And a card reads 'Welcome to your new home. I'll work hard to ensure it feels like our home...'.
What else can I ask for?! Thank you and I'm so so pleased. I'll work hard to ensure the same too and more... I will.
Friday 22 August 2008
The End
This is it. Here I am sitting in the middle of my living room surrounded by packed boxes and suitcases. How can one have so much stuff?!
Almost 3 years in this flat. My very first pad on my own. I can still remember the day I just moved in.
But now we've come to an end of an era. A new one is about to begin. Started this blog here in this very room and now writing my last one here before I go. New chapters await. New adventures and new experiences to blog.
Oops van is here! (Hope the driver is cute!) Good bye flat. Thanks for all the wonderful memories x ;-)
Almost 3 years in this flat. My very first pad on my own. I can still remember the day I just moved in.
But now we've come to an end of an era. A new one is about to begin. Started this blog here in this very room and now writing my last one here before I go. New chapters await. New adventures and new experiences to blog.
Oops van is here! (Hope the driver is cute!) Good bye flat. Thanks for all the wonderful memories x ;-)
Tuesday 19 August 2008
Count Down Begins
3 more days to go and there is still so much to pack and put away! It's daunting but I'm excited as well. D has been so accommodating and eager, which definitely helps.
Second time lucky. Can't really remember how I managed the last time but I'm definitely more aware this time. Not alone, more grown up for sure and that's just me!
Besides the whole clearing, packing and labelling, there are also all the changes to do with banking, gym, all the various services provider and etc... one last one I did yesterday was with the Home Office for my application of Citizenship, advising them the change of address. The lady went 'Are you sure? You've signed the deed and got your keys before I amend your details?' It was almost like warning signs for my move.
Yes I said. No doubt.
Second time lucky. Can't really remember how I managed the last time but I'm definitely more aware this time. Not alone, more grown up for sure and that's just me!
Besides the whole clearing, packing and labelling, there are also all the changes to do with banking, gym, all the various services provider and etc... one last one I did yesterday was with the Home Office for my application of Citizenship, advising them the change of address. The lady went 'Are you sure? You've signed the deed and got your keys before I amend your details?' It was almost like warning signs for my move.
Yes I said. No doubt.
Monday 18 August 2008
Letter To My Nephew
Dear WG,
I'm very upset to say the least when I first got your email. You know that both yourself and your sister are the dearest to me. I do see you both as my own. I was there when you were just born. I was there when I cradled you to sleep. Unlike with your sister, I've never heard from you and have always put it down to the fact that you're just a regular teenage boy. I 'hated' everyone too when I was growing up.
To receive this email for help from you... asking for money to pay back what you owe to a friend was like a slap on my face. It hurts even more when you told me that it's part of your gambling debt. You're only 17!
I'm not sure how aware are you with what happened before in the family... with both your elder uncles, but maybe it's time that your mum speak to you about the past.
I can be like Grandma who have always helped them when they're in trouble, bailed them out from every financial difficulties or take the other route of not helping at all. Looking back and now... I've decided to choose the latter. It's extremely hard for me but I've to do this.
I'm very upset to say the least when I first got your email. You know that both yourself and your sister are the dearest to me. I do see you both as my own. I was there when you were just born. I was there when I cradled you to sleep. Unlike with your sister, I've never heard from you and have always put it down to the fact that you're just a regular teenage boy. I 'hated' everyone too when I was growing up.
To receive this email for help from you... asking for money to pay back what you owe to a friend was like a slap on my face. It hurts even more when you told me that it's part of your gambling debt. You're only 17!
I'm not sure how aware are you with what happened before in the family... with both your elder uncles, but maybe it's time that your mum speak to you about the past.
I can be like Grandma who have always helped them when they're in trouble, bailed them out from every financial difficulties or take the other route of not helping at all. Looking back and now... I've decided to choose the latter. It's extremely hard for me but I've to do this.
I grew up without a male role model. I grew up telling myself I will not be like them when I'm older. I grew up telling myself I will never be a burden to my mum. I grew up telling myself I have to be independent, never have to rely on others and to stand on my own two feet. I grew up telling myself that I've to work hard like my mum and yours.
I'm your uncle. I'm suppose to be the cool uncle who bring you out for drinks, meals and buy you gifts. I'm suppose to be the uncle you come to when you have questions about Life, and many more. But I'm not the uncle you come to so you can pay off your gambling debts!
You're 17 and if you have the guts and brains to gamble, I truely believe you've the capability to pay off your own debt!
Enough said. Please break this family curse and come to me when you're ready to be my nephew again.
Your Uncle Ah Nin
PS: I've copied this letter to your mum, not that I want to break your trust but she should know of this matter.
Sunday 10 August 2008
10th August 2008
Its one year today. How time flies... especially when you're having fun!
Was at D's friend's BBQ yesterday, fantastic company and had a brilliant time. At one point of the evening, we were given paper lanterns (the ancient Cong Ming Deng type) to let off in the garden but we also have to write a wish on the rice paper before lighting and letting it raise into the sky. With great help from alcohol, it all seemed a fun idea and thing to do!
D wrote his first and I wrote mine after.
D wrote: 'To another year.'
Mine read: 'Another year and many more.'
So it says it all. What made it more special was that we both shared the very same thought at that very moment.
There is nothing more I can ask for except for more great adventures and living Life to the fullest together with you, D. Happy Anniversary xxx
Hell Rider
One lesson to bike riding... As a pillion when carrying a rucksack, do not zip close the opening at the top end of the bag. Because when the bike goes to a speed of 120 mph with the pillion bending forward, the wind force will split open the bag and will see all your belongings flying out from it without you noticing until either a driver pointed to you that your bag is wide open or at your destination.
If anyone come across a pair of jeans, one shirt, one t-shirt, two pair of pants, 1 pair of socks and two toiletry bags with lotions and potions that obviously belong to two gay guys flying along M25... It's MINE!!!
Sunday 3 August 2008
Life On Film Strip
We all have our past. Some we keep them locked in a closet, some you forget, and some do come back, haunt and flashes you once in a while.
Was in Brighton Pride over the weekend. One of the many highlights in summer that ourselves and my group of friends will never miss. Besides that it has great family fun atmosphere, it also have one of the best party tents that many Pride parties failed to have. After about 8 hours of dancing away in a massive circus tent with about thousands of people in it, you do get sucked in so easily by the heat, the music, the bass, and the crowd.
It will always come to a point when you said you had enough. Held on a firm hand, all wide eye, trying not to fall and stepping out of the tent with all the empty bottles and debris on the ground, music still pumping, crowd still jumping.
First it was N. One whom I had a deeply crushed on some years ago. There he was dancing in the crowd with his usual group of friends. The hand still held strong to mine guiding me out towards the bright light. N smiled, I smiled and at the same time trying to balance and not to stumble on the layer of rubbish.
Flashes. Then it was D, someone I dated very briefly three years ago. He said hi, I said hi. He grab my other hand 'I'll call you when back in London, let's catch up.' One of those things deep in your heart you know will never happen. Music was still blaring out from the massive speakers. By then I was out of the tent. Still held firmly to the hand that held me still.
Bright lights. Started walking towards Brighton Pier. Some fresh sea breeze will definitely do me some good. Walking along London Road, a place where I used to frequent and quite familiar with. Looking up to the flat that G lives, on his front window sill, there still sits a silver window planter that I've bought, planted and gave him as his house warming gift. Except that now all the plants and flowers have all wilted. The hand still holding strong to mine.
Zoom passed through a black tunnel, I walked closer to the sea. I can smell it. The seagulls flying above and can vaguely hear the strong waves hitting on the shore. Walked past a favourite restaurant that I used to go with G. But this time, the restaurant was shut, dusty windows and empty inside. Looks like it has been shut for a while. It's feeling colder now because of the wind, I zipped up my jumper and still holding firmly to the hand that has been there all this time.
Walked along the Brighton beach front was a beautiful experience. Everything seemed to be in the right colours again. Evening skies, a light blue one with a little hint of orange sunset. Walked towards the pebble beach, cold sea breeze hitting my face, the smell of the sea, thunder of strong waves hitting the shore, aggressive but yet calming. A burned down pier from afar, pitiful sight but peaceful.
Was in Brighton Pride over the weekend. One of the many highlights in summer that ourselves and my group of friends will never miss. Besides that it has great family fun atmosphere, it also have one of the best party tents that many Pride parties failed to have. After about 8 hours of dancing away in a massive circus tent with about thousands of people in it, you do get sucked in so easily by the heat, the music, the bass, and the crowd.
It will always come to a point when you said you had enough. Held on a firm hand, all wide eye, trying not to fall and stepping out of the tent with all the empty bottles and debris on the ground, music still pumping, crowd still jumping.
First it was N. One whom I had a deeply crushed on some years ago. There he was dancing in the crowd with his usual group of friends. The hand still held strong to mine guiding me out towards the bright light. N smiled, I smiled and at the same time trying to balance and not to stumble on the layer of rubbish.
Flashes. Then it was D, someone I dated very briefly three years ago. He said hi, I said hi. He grab my other hand 'I'll call you when back in London, let's catch up.' One of those things deep in your heart you know will never happen. Music was still blaring out from the massive speakers. By then I was out of the tent. Still held firmly to the hand that held me still.
Bright lights. Started walking towards Brighton Pier. Some fresh sea breeze will definitely do me some good. Walking along London Road, a place where I used to frequent and quite familiar with. Looking up to the flat that G lives, on his front window sill, there still sits a silver window planter that I've bought, planted and gave him as his house warming gift. Except that now all the plants and flowers have all wilted. The hand still holding strong to mine.
Zoom passed through a black tunnel, I walked closer to the sea. I can smell it. The seagulls flying above and can vaguely hear the strong waves hitting on the shore. Walked past a favourite restaurant that I used to go with G. But this time, the restaurant was shut, dusty windows and empty inside. Looks like it has been shut for a while. It's feeling colder now because of the wind, I zipped up my jumper and still holding firmly to the hand that has been there all this time.
Walked along the Brighton beach front was a beautiful experience. Everything seemed to be in the right colours again. Evening skies, a light blue one with a little hint of orange sunset. Walked towards the pebble beach, cold sea breeze hitting my face, the smell of the sea, thunder of strong waves hitting the shore, aggressive but yet calming. A burned down pier from afar, pitiful sight but peaceful.
I can hear the crackling sound made when stepping on the pebbles. Lying down flat on the beach, looking up, seagulls flying around, white clouds moving fast across the blue sky, forming different patterns, shapes and sizes. I watch in awe. Then thick grey clouds started coming through, covering fold by fold of the sky. Wild and dramatic. My face can feel droplets of rain coming down, it's getting colder now, but hand still held strong to that familiar hand and arm. The same warm hand that have never left me all these time. Looked across and it was D. Him smiling and talking away all this time. I look over his face and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He paused, smiled and continue talking.
By now, I felt warmth and smiled in my heart. Leaning my head on his shoulder, looked back up in the sky, the grey clouds were gone, blown away towards the North. It's evening blue sky once again. Time to move on. Dust away the pass, leaving all the waves to wash them out into the sea. Walked along back the beach front with D. Still holding strongly to his hand and arm.
Life is like a film strip. Flashes scene by scene in front of you, through directing and editing, you create your own story line, there will always be ups and downs, you choose your supporting acts, but you only need one lead. Especially one with strong and firm hands that will held you up always, stand by you and guide you towards the sunset.
Thursday 31 July 2008
Breaking News!
I've done it! I've just given my notice to my landlord. One month from now, I'll be moving in with D.
Been in my flat for almost 3 years now. 3 great years I've to say. I've set and dressed it all up and settled in very nicely. Dugan is a great landlord and there were no issues at all over the years. I even have my rent freezes over the years as well so can't ask for more!
But it's time for me and D to move our relationship to the next level. Been together for a year now and we both believe it's the right thing to do.
It was so hard speaking to Dugan last night (Almost like coming out to my sister:-) There was a bit of sadness. He kind of expected it coming and is gutted that he's losing a very good tenant. But he gave us his blessings and believed that we've made the right choice especially after spending so much time with each other over the months.
There will always be fond memories in this flat. Those first 3 days of making my mark in the flat, the Christmas parties, my Christmas trees, house parties, long chats with friends over, friends from home visiting, meals in the garden, cosy stay in with DVDs, and 'trespassers' (I was single once and it was my own flat!!;-)
Well it's time for a new chapter. Time to pack up once again and I'm excited! A new era awaits!
Been in my flat for almost 3 years now. 3 great years I've to say. I've set and dressed it all up and settled in very nicely. Dugan is a great landlord and there were no issues at all over the years. I even have my rent freezes over the years as well so can't ask for more!
But it's time for me and D to move our relationship to the next level. Been together for a year now and we both believe it's the right thing to do.
It was so hard speaking to Dugan last night (Almost like coming out to my sister:-) There was a bit of sadness. He kind of expected it coming and is gutted that he's losing a very good tenant. But he gave us his blessings and believed that we've made the right choice especially after spending so much time with each other over the months.
There will always be fond memories in this flat. Those first 3 days of making my mark in the flat, the Christmas parties, my Christmas trees, house parties, long chats with friends over, friends from home visiting, meals in the garden, cosy stay in with DVDs, and 'trespassers' (I was single once and it was my own flat!!;-)
Well it's time for a new chapter. Time to pack up once again and I'm excited! A new era awaits!
Tuesday 29 July 2008
The Lord's Prayer
Oh Lord Almighty! Let me be like her when I reach 40! Let me have her energy, her youthfulness and her spirit.
One can only pray eh?
Saturday 26 July 2008
Location Location Location
It's official! D have just gave his landlord his two months notice for his current flat. No turning back now! We're moving in together!
We've been talking about it for a while but nothing was definite until now. D gave his notice, which means I've to give mine in a months time.
We both live in our own one bedroom flat, and both agreed that we should look for a bigger place to move into. And it's only fair that we're both moving into neutral ground instead of just one moving into other's flat. Brief from me is that it has to be near an underground station and with loads of storage space (a walk in wardrobe and shoe cabinet will be a dream find!:-), for him he has to be able to still walk to work and into Soho (he currently lives above the Paul Smith shop on Floral Street in Covent Garden).
The search begins but I'm confident that we will find some where decent with both our budget. Will rent for the next 12 months and hopefully at the end of the term, we will be in a better market and position to get on the property ladder. Well that's the plan anyway.
It's second time round for me but definitely more well thought, more grown up, more assuring and it feels right and the most natural thing to do this time. More importantly, D want this as much as I do.
Tuesday 22 July 2008
Les Miserables
D surprised me last night to the theatre. Blessed him. But it's for losing to our 'I Know You Better' quiz. The prize is a surprise date from the loser. I won of course!
Coincidently it is our favourite musical for both of us! Watching this musical again for the second time after watching it with Momo and Mona many many years ago, did bring back fond memories. Great songs, great staging and great cast. True legendary musical that survive the test of time!
Care for Round Two D?
Savage Grace
You want drama? This is true drama! A truly dysfunctional family.
Brought D to this movie and him not knowing what to expect, his jaw dropped and could not believed what he was watching. Poor guy... should have warned him first. Maybe we should stick with the blockbusters in the future.
Go watch! Julianne Moore at her best and fabulous gorgeous self as always.
Wednesday 16 July 2008
Mama Mia
"So are you planning to move back to Singapore soon?"
"What about moving to Sydney again?"
"New York is even further! Don't move there!"
"What about China?"
"So you have a girlfriend in London? Everyone is asking me."
"So you're coming back in December?"
"Well... I'll wait for you to come back to decide if I should get baptise. I'm just torn on what to do. Your dad had a Buddhism ceremony when passed away and his ashes sits in a temple now, your brothers and sister are either Taoist or Buddhist, and I've been attending church. What's gonna happen when I'm dead? Who's gonna come collect me and deal with the funeral?! Who's gonna care and settle with everything else when I'm gone?!"
"Mum, by then why do you care?! You'll be dead! And as if we are going to let you die and not do anything!"
"What about moving to Sydney again?"
"New York is even further! Don't move there!"
"What about China?"
"So you have a girlfriend in London? Everyone is asking me."
"So you're coming back in December?"
"Well... I'll wait for you to come back to decide if I should get baptise. I'm just torn on what to do. Your dad had a Buddhism ceremony when passed away and his ashes sits in a temple now, your brothers and sister are either Taoist or Buddhist, and I've been attending church. What's gonna happen when I'm dead? Who's gonna come collect me and deal with the funeral?! Who's gonna care and settle with everything else when I'm gone?!"
"Mum, by then why do you care?! You'll be dead! And as if we are going to let you die and not do anything!"
Can't believe I'm having such conversation with my 72 year old Mum this week.
Monday 14 July 2008
Meet The Boss
We were invited to a BBQ last Saturday by D's boss. Invitations went to her team - the Board of Directors plus partners.
I've been warned that it will be one of the 'biggest tests'... tougher than meeting the parents as it's not just about the attendees but it's also the first time that D has brought someone to such function.
D's boss is from America. Live in this leafy massive beautiful house in Surrey. Along the way from the station, we drove past one grand house after another. Do wonder how people can afford such places! Apparently she is being paid 10 times of what I'm earning. Outrageous!
The evening turn out to be very 'Presidents and their first Ladies', small talks, great food and wine, kids running in the massive perfectly lawn garden kind of way. It was not stuffy to be fair. Everyone was very friendly and chatty. Very down to earth people. At one point, the boys were chatting in the garden by the BBQ, and I was wondering if I should join the ladies in the kitchen. I stopped myself.
Did feel a bit out of my league but I think I've held up well. Did feel like I was entertaining my clients accept that the group was definitely on a higher level of management. D was relieved that the group cope well with him bringing his partner along and it was a very pleasant evening for both of us.
I've been warned that it will be one of the 'biggest tests'... tougher than meeting the parents as it's not just about the attendees but it's also the first time that D has brought someone to such function.
D's boss is from America. Live in this leafy massive beautiful house in Surrey. Along the way from the station, we drove past one grand house after another. Do wonder how people can afford such places! Apparently she is being paid 10 times of what I'm earning. Outrageous!
The evening turn out to be very 'Presidents and their first Ladies', small talks, great food and wine, kids running in the massive perfectly lawn garden kind of way. It was not stuffy to be fair. Everyone was very friendly and chatty. Very down to earth people. At one point, the boys were chatting in the garden by the BBQ, and I was wondering if I should join the ladies in the kitchen. I stopped myself.
Did feel a bit out of my league but I think I've held up well. Did feel like I was entertaining my clients accept that the group was definitely on a higher level of management. D was relieved that the group cope well with him bringing his partner along and it was a very pleasant evening for both of us.
Every successful President have a supportive First Lady... and First Ladies got to do what they do best!
Saturday 12 July 2008
The Freak Show - Part II
As with all shows, there should only be one ending. I found mine.
There are a lot of things in Life that you'll never know and explained clearly. Regardless of all the probing and fact findings, there will always be grey areas which you will never understand. As with all jurisdictions go, everyone is innocent until proven guilty. When you have not enough evidence to support a case, there is no charge, there is no case.
What is the point of all these? Do you rather spend your Life hiding behind doors trying to catch that person out, finding faults and dramas, and just to prove that you are always the victim? Or you rather accept and take the person for who he is, believe and trust him, enjoy the time together and learn to make a relationship work?
He is who he is. For the last 11 months, he has not given me enough reasons to doubt him, so why should I condemn him guilty before charge?
It turn out, I am the freak. Time to end this freak show, stop poisoning and start appreciating this possibly the greatest relationship of my Life.
There are a lot of things in Life that you'll never know and explained clearly. Regardless of all the probing and fact findings, there will always be grey areas which you will never understand. As with all jurisdictions go, everyone is innocent until proven guilty. When you have not enough evidence to support a case, there is no charge, there is no case.
What is the point of all these? Do you rather spend your Life hiding behind doors trying to catch that person out, finding faults and dramas, and just to prove that you are always the victim? Or you rather accept and take the person for who he is, believe and trust him, enjoy the time together and learn to make a relationship work?
He is who he is. For the last 11 months, he has not given me enough reasons to doubt him, so why should I condemn him guilty before charge?
It turn out, I am the freak. Time to end this freak show, stop poisoning and start appreciating this possibly the greatest relationship of my Life.
Saturday 5 July 2008
NHS - No Help Sorry
Had a recent mini health scare for the last few days. I used to have this twitch of a pain on my right foot ankle. It usually lasted a few days and then it will go away. And when I started feeling it again this Wednesday evening, I didn't pay much attention to it. And of course it got worst through the night!
By the next morning, I couldn't walk, my foot was swollen and was in horrible pain. Popped 4 pain-killers as instructed by D and soldier on for the rest of the day. Helped tremendously throughout the day but the pain came back just when I was leaving the office on Thursday night. Kept with the routine of pills popping but this time, it didn't work. The whole night I was in agony pain and the swell got worst.
So decided that I'll go to a NHS walk in clinic and speak to a nurse first thing in the morning. Don't ask me how I got myself to the clinic in Soho! Limping and hopping through the underground network with my 'Elephant Man' foot. Now I know how it feels like to be handicapped.
Met the nurse, she looked at it, no insect bite, no fracture (things she asked me to do with my foot in order to determine that brought tears to my eyes and I was so tempted to slap her with my hands!), no food allergy, she even used her pen and drew one big round circle around my swell, whats that for?! And now I have this ugly pen mark around my already swell up foot!! Rest, antibiotics, if no good, go A&E to see a Doctor for a more detail check up. Gees thanks!
Decided not to take the chance and wait. I dragged myself on the road again and found myself at a nearby reputable hospital. By then the pain was making me cold even though I have sweat down my forehead and making my stomach churned inside out. It's a brand new built structure modernised hospital. YES! Maybe someone can really help me this time!
Check in with the Staff Nurse. He looked at me in disgust and asked me the routine questions about the condition. He's not even English! When I told him I'm here for a second opinion from a doctor after this morning fiasco, I swear he gave me evils!
Waited for almost 2 hours later, finally saw the doctor. He looked at it, no insect mark, no food allergy...
'It's infection.'
'Why & how?'
'No idea. Take full series of antibiotics, rest, if not well come back.'
'When? After a couple of days?'
'You'll know when it's not going well.'
Gees thanks! I can be a doctor too! And if my consultation only took 5 mins, and the rest of the consulting doctors are doing the same, then why do I have to wait for almost 2 hours for my turn?!
Anyhow, got my medication. Survived my very first A&E visit (just barely). Went back to the office but the pain got too much and left. Got home, went straight to bed and woke up with cold sweat and feeling feverish. Forced myself to take some more medication and food. When D arrived, I was then feeling slightly better.
Just woke up, and the swell has subsided, I can move my foot again and fever is gone. I don't usually fall sick but when I do, I hate it!
By the next morning, I couldn't walk, my foot was swollen and was in horrible pain. Popped 4 pain-killers as instructed by D and soldier on for the rest of the day. Helped tremendously throughout the day but the pain came back just when I was leaving the office on Thursday night. Kept with the routine of pills popping but this time, it didn't work. The whole night I was in agony pain and the swell got worst.
So decided that I'll go to a NHS walk in clinic and speak to a nurse first thing in the morning. Don't ask me how I got myself to the clinic in Soho! Limping and hopping through the underground network with my 'Elephant Man' foot. Now I know how it feels like to be handicapped.
Met the nurse, she looked at it, no insect bite, no fracture (things she asked me to do with my foot in order to determine that brought tears to my eyes and I was so tempted to slap her with my hands!), no food allergy, she even used her pen and drew one big round circle around my swell, whats that for?! And now I have this ugly pen mark around my already swell up foot!! Rest, antibiotics, if no good, go A&E to see a Doctor for a more detail check up. Gees thanks!
Decided not to take the chance and wait. I dragged myself on the road again and found myself at a nearby reputable hospital. By then the pain was making me cold even though I have sweat down my forehead and making my stomach churned inside out. It's a brand new built structure modernised hospital. YES! Maybe someone can really help me this time!
Check in with the Staff Nurse. He looked at me in disgust and asked me the routine questions about the condition. He's not even English! When I told him I'm here for a second opinion from a doctor after this morning fiasco, I swear he gave me evils!
Waited for almost 2 hours later, finally saw the doctor. He looked at it, no insect mark, no food allergy...
'It's infection.'
'Why & how?'
'No idea. Take full series of antibiotics, rest, if not well come back.'
'When? After a couple of days?'
'You'll know when it's not going well.'
Gees thanks! I can be a doctor too! And if my consultation only took 5 mins, and the rest of the consulting doctors are doing the same, then why do I have to wait for almost 2 hours for my turn?!
Anyhow, got my medication. Survived my very first A&E visit (just barely). Went back to the office but the pain got too much and left. Got home, went straight to bed and woke up with cold sweat and feeling feverish. Forced myself to take some more medication and food. When D arrived, I was then feeling slightly better.
Just woke up, and the swell has subsided, I can move my foot again and fever is gone. I don't usually fall sick but when I do, I hate it!
Friday 4 July 2008
Ready Steady Cook
Did a cooking class with the chef in the Spa hotel at Luang Prabang.
Learning to make Fried Spring Rolls, Red Pork Curry and Fried Chili Prawns with Onion & Basil. All from scratch, from choosing the ingredients to preparing it and making it at the make shift kitchen set up just in front of the infinity pool over-looking the forest. Not bad for a kitchen view.
Learning to make Fried Spring Rolls, Red Pork Curry and Fried Chili Prawns with Onion & Basil. All from scratch, from choosing the ingredients to preparing it and making it at the make shift kitchen set up just in front of the infinity pool over-looking the forest. Not bad for a kitchen view.
After the class, we sat down and enjoyed our own creations. Come to think about it, it's our very first joint meal that we made together!
It was great fun and will recommend everyone to do it!
Tuesday 1 July 2008
Discovery Channel
Mystical Angkor Wat! The fact that it was all build thousand of years ago. Two days of waking up before dawn and loads of trekking, never thought I will enjoyed it as much as I did. Amazing!
Hey Mr DJ!
Was in DJ Station last couple of weekends with D. Still the same as before... great music, busy crowd and entertaining drag shows. Can't help but always feel the energy and excitement the moment you stepped into this legendary club. And of course the strong alcoholic drinks help as well.
Don't get me wrong and D is great company to be out clubbing with, but every time when I was in there I can only think of you guys! Dancing together, laughing out loud, be silly and slutty, checking out the boys, bitch about the boys, scrutinising their fashion, the time I have to 'lift' momo up the stage, and times when GFKC and I were bopping up on the platform.
Theme song suggestion... keep your ears open for Mariah's 'Touch My Body'! A big smile on my face when I was dancing with D to this remixed... Wishing you guys were there! And just buying a ticket to Bangkok for the long weekend did crossed my mind briefly.
Have a blast gals!
Don't get me wrong and D is great company to be out clubbing with, but every time when I was in there I can only think of you guys! Dancing together, laughing out loud, be silly and slutty, checking out the boys, bitch about the boys, scrutinising their fashion, the time I have to 'lift' momo up the stage, and times when GFKC and I were bopping up on the platform.
Theme song suggestion... keep your ears open for Mariah's 'Touch My Body'! A big smile on my face when I was dancing with D to this remixed... Wishing you guys were there! And just buying a ticket to Bangkok for the long weekend did crossed my mind briefly.
Have a blast gals!
Monday 30 June 2008
Barbie - Totally Hair
Came across this during my transit in Bahrain Airport to Bangkok recently. I can feel my heart racing faster right at that moment!
One down the memory lane...
Aged 5. "Mummy can I get this?!" "NO! Your brothers will tease you!"
Took me almost 20 years later to realise one thing.
And now... Still looking at her with big wide eye, but this time I am not sulking.
Thursday 19 June 2008
I LOVE London!
Walking over Waterloo Bridge this summer morning for work... Crossing the Thames, the London Eye on my right, St Paul's Cathedral on my left, the Gherkin Building further down the river, and you just about see the tip of Tower Bridge and the tower of Tate Modern.
I sometimes have to pinch myself! Been 7 years and I'm in London! You do take things for granted.
Less rushing around with blinkers but look up and enjoy London even more from now on!
I sometimes have to pinch myself! Been 7 years and I'm in London! You do take things for granted.
Less rushing around with blinkers but look up and enjoy London even more from now on!
Hady Mirza
Have always wondered what's all these hype about Ah Bangs! But now I know!
Why nobody tell me about Hady Mirza?! Song from Sheila some more! The show very RIA leh even when it was Singapore Idol! And is Jacinta trying to be Paula Abdul?! Lol!
Anyhow, Aku cinta Hady! Sedap! ;-)
Tuesday 17 June 2008
The Freak Show - Part I
There was this episode in SATC when Carrie met someone who turned out to be absolutely perfect. He was charming, sweet, funny, and most important of all, they both really like each other!
But Carrie being Carrie, thought that the whole world was full of freaks! Freaks with dark secrets. Freaks who cheats. Freaks with two faces. Freaks who lie. Freaks who hide from the truth. Men in general really and this person should not be an exception!
She went to the extend of going through all his things trying to look for flaws, refused to come to terms that he might just happened to be a normal decent bloke.
Talk about mirroring real to Tinseltown life!
I blame it all on my bad 'gay upbringing and growing up'! Had too many twats in my Life that I find it hard to trust anyone that I'm with. Had too many bad experiences that have made me cynical.
When left alone, my mind wonders. Especially when there are loop holes, grey areas and doubts, I imagine. I speculate. I investigate. I wonder. I discover.
There should be two endings to this entry. Not sure to go with whichever one yet.
To be continued...
But Carrie being Carrie, thought that the whole world was full of freaks! Freaks with dark secrets. Freaks who cheats. Freaks with two faces. Freaks who lie. Freaks who hide from the truth. Men in general really and this person should not be an exception!
She went to the extend of going through all his things trying to look for flaws, refused to come to terms that he might just happened to be a normal decent bloke.
Talk about mirroring real to Tinseltown life!
I blame it all on my bad 'gay upbringing and growing up'! Had too many twats in my Life that I find it hard to trust anyone that I'm with. Had too many bad experiences that have made me cynical.
When left alone, my mind wonders. Especially when there are loop holes, grey areas and doubts, I imagine. I speculate. I investigate. I wonder. I discover.
There should be two endings to this entry. Not sure to go with whichever one yet.
To be continued...
Monday 16 June 2008
I Know What You Did Last Week
He had a plan but he aborted it.
I had a plan but also aborted it.
If both plans went ahead, what will become of us?
I truly believed we both did what we did for the right reason. We did it for each other. This can only mean something.
I had a plan but also aborted it.
If both plans went ahead, what will become of us?
I truly believed we both did what we did for the right reason. We did it for each other. This can only mean something.
Saturday 14 June 2008
That's What Friends Are For
You can always count on me as much as I can count on you. Thank you all for being there for me always even when you're not here.
Keep smiling. Keep shining.
Trust-dermometer
We spend our lives trying to look for the truth. When it's found, can we handle the truth? We spend our lives learning to trust. Through time, through actions, through learning we trust. As far as I am concerned, I am an open book. As transparent as water can get. As freely give as running river.
I probably know more than I should. Inquisitive more than I should. To the extend of the 'bunny boiler' stage but I blame it all on curiosity. The constant wanting to 'catch ya!' syndrome.
It's not healthy, it's not fair and it's not right. We all deserve a little bit of space. We all deserve a little bit of secrecy. Even for husbands and wives, parent and child, and between friends. I need to loosen up a bit. We are all adults living in this big gay world! Let's get real! What you don't know, don't hurt!
The main thing is... we are our own worst enemy. I know all the tricks in the book. Can I trust myself? For some reasons, I can this time. I've never felt and behave the way I behaved for the last 10 months. Something must be right!
But I also know the stake this time. Having lost everything and having to re-start 3.5 years ago, this time it is make or break, no second chance, no trial and error allowed. I am running out of time. I want to start living my adult life! Living life to the fullest, loads of fun, new adventures, new projects and all these with someone I love. Someone who also feels the same way as I do.
There will always be madness in Love... and there will always be reasons for madness.
I probably know more than I should. Inquisitive more than I should. To the extend of the 'bunny boiler' stage but I blame it all on curiosity. The constant wanting to 'catch ya!' syndrome.
It's not healthy, it's not fair and it's not right. We all deserve a little bit of space. We all deserve a little bit of secrecy. Even for husbands and wives, parent and child, and between friends. I need to loosen up a bit. We are all adults living in this big gay world! Let's get real! What you don't know, don't hurt!
The main thing is... we are our own worst enemy. I know all the tricks in the book. Can I trust myself? For some reasons, I can this time. I've never felt and behave the way I behaved for the last 10 months. Something must be right!
But I also know the stake this time. Having lost everything and having to re-start 3.5 years ago, this time it is make or break, no second chance, no trial and error allowed. I am running out of time. I want to start living my adult life! Living life to the fullest, loads of fun, new adventures, new projects and all these with someone I love. Someone who also feels the same way as I do.
There will always be madness in Love... and there will always be reasons for madness.
Thursday 12 June 2008
Creature Comforts
We all like our comforts. Be it a home cooked meal or cuddling up on a sofa watching evening TV.
For me its not just the above but also being in my flat, my space with my stuff around me, feeling settled, feel belong. Kick back and do my thing. It must be old age.
Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with D and staying over at his but it has come to a point where I don't want to be planning what I need to bring with me for the next day, getting change and go over to his after coming home after a day's work, and deciding who's place we are staying tonight all the time.
It is a 'happiness problem' but hopefully it won't be a problem soon.
Tuesday 10 June 2008
Guilt Trip
Mum:"Oh I've just sent you a picture of me when I was on holiday in Seoul... just in case you forget how I look like."
Ouch! Didn't know that was coming. Very slick. Very professional. Very clean killing. Very subtle but effective. Very Mum!
Ouch! Didn't know that was coming. Very slick. Very professional. Very clean killing. Very subtle but effective. Very Mum!
Tuesday 3 June 2008
The Waiting Game
The application form is in! For my Naturalisation. My final part of the journey of becoming an UK citizen. 7 years in London this month. The actual process time is 6 years for Citizenship. Long time. What's in it for me? We'll see...
All paper work checked and forms filled. References taken. £700 paid. The waiting game begins.
All paper work checked and forms filled. References taken. £700 paid. The waiting game begins.
Sunday 1 June 2008
Sex And The City
It's finally here! Went to see the movie with friends last night. The first opening weekend.
I've never been in a place and experience a movie that has created such hype and phenomenon ever before! The anticipation of this movie is almost unheard of. Besides all screenings were sold out everywhere, the atmosphere at the cinema was an unique experience by itself! From the girls who all dressed up and sipping cocktails, to uneasy boyfriends accompanying their girlfriends for the movie, to groups of gay guys chatting away, all there for the same reason... the excitement and the love for the series and now the movie. It's like the 'Trekkies' to Star Trek and Star Wars fans to the movie series, accept that we are more fun, fashionable, better shoes and beautiful looking!
Everyone cheered and clapped when the manager announces that the movie will start in 3 minutes. When the theme song came on, everyone cheer again. The shh sound was so loud when the movie started and you can see every body's concentration were on the screen, afraid that they might miss something.
We all laughed, cried, smile and did all the mandatory ahh throughout the movie. One particular scene when Carrie appeared broken, washed her face and looked into the mirror without any make-up, I swear everyone in the cinema gasped in unison! Just the same for every gift box opening moments.
Go watch the movie! You have to be a fan to be able to sit through 2.5 hours of SATC, but it will all be worth it! The fashion, the story, and the girls... long overdue but was definitely a great closure to this exceptional series.
I've never been in a place and experience a movie that has created such hype and phenomenon ever before! The anticipation of this movie is almost unheard of. Besides all screenings were sold out everywhere, the atmosphere at the cinema was an unique experience by itself! From the girls who all dressed up and sipping cocktails, to uneasy boyfriends accompanying their girlfriends for the movie, to groups of gay guys chatting away, all there for the same reason... the excitement and the love for the series and now the movie. It's like the 'Trekkies' to Star Trek and Star Wars fans to the movie series, accept that we are more fun, fashionable, better shoes and beautiful looking!
Everyone cheered and clapped when the manager announces that the movie will start in 3 minutes. When the theme song came on, everyone cheer again. The shh sound was so loud when the movie started and you can see every body's concentration were on the screen, afraid that they might miss something.
We all laughed, cried, smile and did all the mandatory ahh throughout the movie. One particular scene when Carrie appeared broken, washed her face and looked into the mirror without any make-up, I swear everyone in the cinema gasped in unison! Just the same for every gift box opening moments.
Go watch the movie! You have to be a fan to be able to sit through 2.5 hours of SATC, but it will all be worth it! The fashion, the story, and the girls... long overdue but was definitely a great closure to this exceptional series.
Just like the ending of the movie... a toast to growing up and ever lasting friendships!
Friday 30 May 2008
Chapman Brothers - Hell
Came across this brand new installation by the Chapman brothers. The original work of art, which featured 5,000 miniature model Nazi soldiers performing atrocities, was destroyed in a blaze that swept through an art depot in 2004. But yesterday Jake and Dinos Chapman unveiled a new version based on the same concept, entitled F****** Hell. This time Hell is even bigger and nastier. Tens of thousands of the tiny plastic figures are depicted carrying out genocide and torture. It is part of a new collection called 'If Hitler Had Been a Hippy How Happy Would We Be’, displayed at the White Cube Gallery in Hoxton, North London.
Very impressive I have to say but I am also thinking Haw Par Villa! Hey brothers, been to Singapore lately? :-)
Saturday 24 May 2008
Positive Thinking
A lot has been said and thought about over the last few days. Speaking about it definitely helps.
I've learned and came to terms that the World is round and there's definitely two sides of a coin. It takes two to tango and both hands to clap. When out at play in this crazy jungle, all should always be responsible and 'positive thinking'. ALL have to understand and accept the rules of Cause and Effect. ALL have to be responsible for every actions they do and not just rely on one.
But most importantly, it will take more than just two people to stop this jungle getting out of control and sprucing out more unneeded weeds, but it's definitely a good start.
Thursday 22 May 2008
To My Dear Friend
I don't usually rant but when I do... I do get carried away. I did and I might have even blown the whole thing out of proportion. I was angry, no doubt! There were harsh words but I still stand by every word I said.
Every word came from the heart because it hurts to see someone very very dear to you having self destructing behaviour and then have a complete 'matter of fact' mentality and 'care less' attitude. Not just regarding themselves but people around them too.
I hope we've not wasted all these years of friendship. I hope I've not wasted all these time knowing someone who is not the person I really know. I hope you understand the severity of the consequences. Please hear me this time.
Love you always.
Every word came from the heart because it hurts to see someone very very dear to you having self destructing behaviour and then have a complete 'matter of fact' mentality and 'care less' attitude. Not just regarding themselves but people around them too.
I hope we've not wasted all these years of friendship. I hope I've not wasted all these time knowing someone who is not the person I really know. I hope you understand the severity of the consequences. Please hear me this time.
Love you always.
Tuesday 20 May 2008
Pause And Think
I am not usually like this but I am angry!
Our existence in this World bare responsibilities both personally and socially, though we answer to no one but ourselves. We went to school to get an education, to learn of this World that we are in and try our very best to be at least a common decent human being throughout our surviving years. To differentiate ourselves from animals. To be true and good to ourselves and to others... family, friends and even the people on the streets. In our own special ways, make the World a better place for you and me.
We do not go out hurting people sub-consciously and consciously... Harming innocent people and walk away telling ourselves it's OK because they didn't question or challenge all our actions.
Regardless of how one is being brought up and affected by circumstances, no one has the right to know the truth and not do anything to stop it. Its a fine line between doing it sub-consciously without knowing and doing it consciously knowing. That to me equates murder.
You do not have to tell the truth because truth hurts, but by obstructing truth consciously and allowing mishaps to happen again, that is punishable crime by itself.
I will do anything and everything for my love ones but I will not stand by and watch someone consciously and outright ignorant of causing hurt to themselves and others. If I do, I am no different from the person who committed THE act. I am no angel and not at all perfect, but by making my stand now I hope the message will come through loud and clear and make this horrific cycle to stop!
Sunday 18 May 2008
That Face
Went to see this fantastic play last night. A multi award winning play by a writer who was only 19 when it was written.
A story about a middle class family here in UK. An alcoholic divorced mother, a father who left the family for a younger wife in Asia, got into trouble in a boarding school teenage daughter, and a young son who quit school to take care of his mother. A story about when children become parents of their own.
Great acting from all but there were scenes that were truly in your face and hard to bear. The sorry, manipulative and unsettled state of the drunkard mother, a jealous mother of his son who was merely trying to grow up and be a young man, the closeness both the mother and son shared, the final break down of an anguish and furious son who after all the years of caring for his mum, trying to 'safe' his mother, and not saving but drowning, and the final scene where the mother have to leave for care in order to let his son grow and be himself. A lot of questions came through after the play, about each individual members of this family. How did all these evolved and happened?
It was a powerful, draining, exhausting performance to watch but nevertheless a brilliant piece of writing and theater work.
A story about a middle class family here in UK. An alcoholic divorced mother, a father who left the family for a younger wife in Asia, got into trouble in a boarding school teenage daughter, and a young son who quit school to take care of his mother. A story about when children become parents of their own.
Great acting from all but there were scenes that were truly in your face and hard to bear. The sorry, manipulative and unsettled state of the drunkard mother, a jealous mother of his son who was merely trying to grow up and be a young man, the closeness both the mother and son shared, the final break down of an anguish and furious son who after all the years of caring for his mum, trying to 'safe' his mother, and not saving but drowning, and the final scene where the mother have to leave for care in order to let his son grow and be himself. A lot of questions came through after the play, about each individual members of this family. How did all these evolved and happened?
It was a powerful, draining, exhausting performance to watch but nevertheless a brilliant piece of writing and theater work.
Saturday 17 May 2008
Quintessentially English
When it comes to expression and matter of the hearts... you can't get more quintessentially English than D. With an almost 'must have' stiff upper lip, expression of feelings is rarely heard of. In fact any declaration of moods and thoughts related to Love, they are to an extend frown upon. He blamed his upbringing he said once.
Don't get me wrong, D is a wonderful person. Come from a very close knitted family. A great son to his parents, brother to his sister and uncle to his nephew. Will do anything for his friendly and welcoming friends. Very career minded, knowledgeable and focus at what he does for his work. A strong, positive, motivated and driven person when it comes to living his Life. He loves Christmas just like me! He can't be that bad.
From all these time of knowing him and learned of him, I have picked up the various things that he'll do... his unique, strange and cutest ways of expressing himself... and I've to say, found them all rather endearing and very special.
The way he'll looked at me and smile from a distance, the way he'll always cuddle up in bed, the way he'll let me snuggle up next to his chest and stomach on the sofa, he always stay in touch when we are away from each other, he'll go buy a jar of jam for my peanut butter and jam sandwich without me telling him, he'll surprise me with a spontaneous evening, he tried making fruit jelly for me even he's not the best of cook, he cleared a tiny section of his wardrobe for my stuff, when I caught him looking at me while I'm asleep and / or when I wasn't aware, all the times when he let me tease and 'bully' him, all the times he let me win in our banters, and when he'll look at me, smiled and said 'Fool'... To top everything off... I got a TEXT from D yesterday that reads 'You want to move in Baby? x'.
Don't get me wrong, D is a wonderful person. Come from a very close knitted family. A great son to his parents, brother to his sister and uncle to his nephew. Will do anything for his friendly and welcoming friends. Very career minded, knowledgeable and focus at what he does for his work. A strong, positive, motivated and driven person when it comes to living his Life. He loves Christmas just like me! He can't be that bad.
From all these time of knowing him and learned of him, I have picked up the various things that he'll do... his unique, strange and cutest ways of expressing himself... and I've to say, found them all rather endearing and very special.
The way he'll looked at me and smile from a distance, the way he'll always cuddle up in bed, the way he'll let me snuggle up next to his chest and stomach on the sofa, he always stay in touch when we are away from each other, he'll go buy a jar of jam for my peanut butter and jam sandwich without me telling him, he'll surprise me with a spontaneous evening, he tried making fruit jelly for me even he's not the best of cook, he cleared a tiny section of his wardrobe for my stuff, when I caught him looking at me while I'm asleep and / or when I wasn't aware, all the times when he let me tease and 'bully' him, all the times he let me win in our banters, and when he'll look at me, smiled and said 'Fool'... To top everything off... I got a TEXT from D yesterday that reads 'You want to move in Baby? x'.
How not to fall for a person like D? How not to embrace him dearly? Not very English I know, but I'm not.
Saturday 10 May 2008
世上只有妈妈好
A heartfelt message came through from a very close friend about his recent lost of his beloved Mother.It will always be sad to loss someone you dearly loved. Someone who helped shape you for who you are today. Regardless of how well or bad they did, they gave us Life, and for that is the biggest gift of all.
We all have very different relationships with our Mothers. Some good and some not so good. Some close and some not so close. Some are expressive and some not at all. But deep down we all know our love for them. Regardless of all things, the bond will always be something undeniable.
Go on! Be it a simple gesture, a phone call, a mere 'Have you eaten?', or even a Prayer... Cherish them while you can.
To Be Or Not To Be
It will always be a tough one... To be sensible or not t be? To grow up or not to? To live Life or not to?
There are things, ideas and dreams that I like to do, but to achieve all that I need to save... the good old line about 'Saving For Your Future'... or more like a curse growing up with Chinese values. Don't get me wrong as it's not a bad thing at all but what happen to 'living your Life to the fullest'?! 'Live for the day'?! and 'Be happy'?!
All these years, I've been blessed and so lucky to live the Life that I've always wanted. And at this very moment in time, I can't be more happier. Work, friends, family, lifestyle and now D. But there has always been the constant struggle and guilt of not preparing for my future. All the spending and no saving.
Well what you lose out on money saved... you gain on experiences and memories. I think that's definitely quality of Life. Its money and its our future I know, but I will not wait till when I am old to get on that plane and travel the world. I will not lead a boring, uneventful and unhappy Life just to save a few pennies and to show the world that I've made it. I rather be rich in my soul than rich on the outside. Within my means of course, that's most important.
You can't bring anything with you when you are dead... but you can now live with fond memories and pulse racing Life while you still can.
I think I've made my choice.
Miami Vice
The city, the hotel, the beach, the sunshine, the party, the food and just hanging out with D.What a great way to welcome summer '08!
Thursday 1 May 2008
Mayor Of London
It's voting day today. I've never ever voted before, not even in Singapore and here I am voting for the Mayor of London.
It does concern me and I have every right to decide who should and who is capable of making London a better place to live.
A lot has been said of the candidates and they themselves. The good and the not so good. Some agreeable and some were just rubbish.
I've made my one decision and only hope for one thing... May the new elected Mayor deliver all that he promises. No more excuses. That's all I'm asking for.
It does concern me and I have every right to decide who should and who is capable of making London a better place to live.
A lot has been said of the candidates and they themselves. The good and the not so good. Some agreeable and some were just rubbish.
I've made my one decision and only hope for one thing... May the new elected Mayor deliver all that he promises. No more excuses. That's all I'm asking for.
Monday 28 April 2008
Sunday 27 April 2008
Wedding Blues
Last Friday we attended Dugan & Det's wedding reception. Dugan is my landlord in his 60s and Det is his partner from Laos who is in his 20s.
First was of course the whole age difference and the ethnicity of both, which was already highly debatable and controversial! Then the dinner was held in a local Thai restaurant / take away place at the end of my road. There were about 30 of us, they laid a long table and it was a Thai buffet. It was plastic plates and cutlery with paper table mats. Great Thai food though. Wine was alright, the table flower arrangements were done by Dugan's 95 years old mother (bless her!) and we were served Sainsbury chocolate cake as dessert.
It was all very unusual and 'unique' should I say, but the most bizarre of all were Dugan's friends! All around Dugan's age with Asian boyfriends (cant really tell where they're from but reckoned all from the same village, they all look the same).
Then a few friends stood up and said a few words, one was drunk and started telling everyone how he 'match made' Dugan & Det in Laos, how they met in a bar where Det was a Bartender ('Great Cocktail Maker' according to his friend), I've to pinch Daniel to stop him from shouting out a comment! And the whole night we keep getting stories from their friends on how both of them met and their last 2 years 'journey', the whole traditional ceremony held back in Laos by Det's parents and Dugan paid for the whole thing, now Dugan is applying Det a Visa and they are travelling around Europe (Det's preference) and Det will be allowed to work as well... you all know where this is going and now Daniel have to pinch me from saying something rude!
It was a very bizarre experience but hey who am I to judge?! Except I worked my butt off and paid my dues and tax while living here in UK, while one village youngster just walked in and got everything served up on a silver platter (well paper plate to be fair)! I'm not bitter or sour at all really... I just wished they are both happy and true to each other... wish them well.
First was of course the whole age difference and the ethnicity of both, which was already highly debatable and controversial! Then the dinner was held in a local Thai restaurant / take away place at the end of my road. There were about 30 of us, they laid a long table and it was a Thai buffet. It was plastic plates and cutlery with paper table mats. Great Thai food though. Wine was alright, the table flower arrangements were done by Dugan's 95 years old mother (bless her!) and we were served Sainsbury chocolate cake as dessert.
It was all very unusual and 'unique' should I say, but the most bizarre of all were Dugan's friends! All around Dugan's age with Asian boyfriends (cant really tell where they're from but reckoned all from the same village, they all look the same).
Then a few friends stood up and said a few words, one was drunk and started telling everyone how he 'match made' Dugan & Det in Laos, how they met in a bar where Det was a Bartender ('Great Cocktail Maker' according to his friend), I've to pinch Daniel to stop him from shouting out a comment! And the whole night we keep getting stories from their friends on how both of them met and their last 2 years 'journey', the whole traditional ceremony held back in Laos by Det's parents and Dugan paid for the whole thing, now Dugan is applying Det a Visa and they are travelling around Europe (Det's preference) and Det will be allowed to work as well... you all know where this is going and now Daniel have to pinch me from saying something rude!
It was a very bizarre experience but hey who am I to judge?! Except I worked my butt off and paid my dues and tax while living here in UK, while one village youngster just walked in and got everything served up on a silver platter (well paper plate to be fair)! I'm not bitter or sour at all really... I just wished they are both happy and true to each other... wish them well.
Saturday 26 April 2008
Biker Chick
This is probably the third time in my whole life that I'm a pillion on a bike. The very first time I was 8 years old and the second when I was 20, both times scared the hell out of me. I'm not even a capable cyclist to start off with!D has been going on about getting me on his bike and this Saturday morning I was given a helmet and suggested we ride down to Brighton for the weekend as we are meeting his sister and brother-in-law for dinner.
At 100 mph, it was an accelerating and fantastic experience. Every time when D picked up speed, I can feel my heart pushing to the end of my throat. All I can do was to hold on for my dear life and hopefully try not to hold too tight and close to D. I've to say D was very careful and thoughtful.
An hour and a half later, we reached our destination. Well deserved break. I've to say... butt and thigh aches and helmet hair aside, it's definitely a positive start.
This also marked my 100th blog entry! Thank you all for reading!
Thursday 24 April 2008
Small Change
A very profound production. A story set in Cardiff in the 1950s. Two pairs of mothers and sons. Neighbours, working class, so poor... 'So poor that you have to stay quiet when the rent man knocks on the door.' Controlling and protective mothers. Rebellious and obligated sons. Two sets of good friends. The mothers and the sons.
Two mothers. Both haunted by their own secrets, regrets, hardships, chores, duties, social expectations, anger, repressions, guilt, reservations, oppressions, resentments, money, remorse, self pity, religion, families, husbands, sons. Lots of What Ifs? Found refuge in each other's arms. Found comfort and escapism.
Two sons. Both haunted by their friendship, dependence, family ties, obligations, pressure to conform, religion, guilt, resentments, unfulfilled lives, anger, admiration, desires, Love. Lots of What Ifs? Found joy in each other's arms and lips. Found hope. Found fear and denial.
Lives intertwines. Moving back and forth. Different eyes saw different perspectives and different understanding. None able to communicate. Time past. People change. Death. Hope found and lost... came regrets.
Sons becoming their mothers... Small change.
Two mothers. Both haunted by their own secrets, regrets, hardships, chores, duties, social expectations, anger, repressions, guilt, reservations, oppressions, resentments, money, remorse, self pity, religion, families, husbands, sons. Lots of What Ifs? Found refuge in each other's arms. Found comfort and escapism.
Two sons. Both haunted by their friendship, dependence, family ties, obligations, pressure to conform, religion, guilt, resentments, unfulfilled lives, anger, admiration, desires, Love. Lots of What Ifs? Found joy in each other's arms and lips. Found hope. Found fear and denial.
Lives intertwines. Moving back and forth. Different eyes saw different perspectives and different understanding. None able to communicate. Time past. People change. Death. Hope found and lost... came regrets.
Sons becoming their mothers... Small change.
Monday 14 April 2008
Dummy Guide To Weddings 2
As mentioned before, the wedding was held up North of England. About 30 mins train journey from Newcastle and 4.5 hours from London.
As part of the wedding party, we stayed in this really nice hotel / pub in a small village near the wedding venue. Nice decor and great atmosphere pub. As D and I are both used to our hotels whenever we travelled and for work, I've to say the place was rather pleasant and with a hint of rustic chic.
Just before leaving for the wedding, D decided to leave the chunky room key with the reception and to pick it up when we were back from the party. It made total sense to me.
Had a blast at the wedding party and came back to the hotel around 2am. Got off the taxi and stood right in front of the hotel. The whole place was shut. No lights, we knocked and not a single soul in the pub. By then we were standing in the middle of this village, dead quiet, FREEZING cold and running around the hotel ground trying to find our way into the hotel. Had too much to drink didn't help as well.
Looking up to our bedroom, which was right above the main entrance of the hotel on the first floor, one of our windows were actually left half opened by me before we left the room.
Without any hesitation, we pulled a wooden table against the entrance wall. I climbed on top of it, both hands on the edge of the roof and got D to push me up while I climb on top of the roof entrance (Thanks to all the low wall climbing skills in the army!). Still in my suit of course and feeling the great effect of alcohol, I balanced myself on the pitch roof, lift the window opened and threw myself into our bedroom.
By then we were pissing ourselves laughing and were trying not to wake the whole village up. In the end, managed to open the emergency exit from the back of the building and got D in.
Lesson number 2. When in a country hotel in the middle of no where, do not expect the same level of service of a city hotel. Even if you have to carry the chunky room key around, to avoid being locked out of the hotel, do it!
As part of the wedding party, we stayed in this really nice hotel / pub in a small village near the wedding venue. Nice decor and great atmosphere pub. As D and I are both used to our hotels whenever we travelled and for work, I've to say the place was rather pleasant and with a hint of rustic chic.
Just before leaving for the wedding, D decided to leave the chunky room key with the reception and to pick it up when we were back from the party. It made total sense to me.
Had a blast at the wedding party and came back to the hotel around 2am. Got off the taxi and stood right in front of the hotel. The whole place was shut. No lights, we knocked and not a single soul in the pub. By then we were standing in the middle of this village, dead quiet, FREEZING cold and running around the hotel ground trying to find our way into the hotel. Had too much to drink didn't help as well.
Looking up to our bedroom, which was right above the main entrance of the hotel on the first floor, one of our windows were actually left half opened by me before we left the room.
Without any hesitation, we pulled a wooden table against the entrance wall. I climbed on top of it, both hands on the edge of the roof and got D to push me up while I climb on top of the roof entrance (Thanks to all the low wall climbing skills in the army!). Still in my suit of course and feeling the great effect of alcohol, I balanced myself on the pitch roof, lift the window opened and threw myself into our bedroom.
By then we were pissing ourselves laughing and were trying not to wake the whole village up. In the end, managed to open the emergency exit from the back of the building and got D in.
Lesson number 2. When in a country hotel in the middle of no where, do not expect the same level of service of a city hotel. Even if you have to carry the chunky room key around, to avoid being locked out of the hotel, do it!
Sunday 13 April 2008
Dummy Guide To Weddings
Attended Jan & Mike's wedding last weekend. They are friends of D and have met with them for dinner months before their wedding.
Wedding was held up north of England in a country house with massive ground in the middle of no where. Picturesque setting and beautiful weather... freezing cold but everyone was happy and warm.
The bride and groom are both very cheerful, active and fun couple, and throughout the wedding you catches glimpses of their personalities and sense of humour being injected on this special day.
When it came to the exchanging of vows, both of them wrote their own. When Jan started reading hers, first we heard the voice cracked, then soft sobs and by then I could not control myself any more. I know it's pathetic but I was so touched by the amount of feelings and emotions both genuine and pure, opened and expressed in front of everyone, vowed to Love each other till the end of day with no expectations and holding back. To know Jan as a bubbly person before made it even more meaningful and special.
One thing I've learned this time... I will always bring tissues to all my future weddings from now on!
Wedding was held up north of England in a country house with massive ground in the middle of no where. Picturesque setting and beautiful weather... freezing cold but everyone was happy and warm.
The bride and groom are both very cheerful, active and fun couple, and throughout the wedding you catches glimpses of their personalities and sense of humour being injected on this special day.
When it came to the exchanging of vows, both of them wrote their own. When Jan started reading hers, first we heard the voice cracked, then soft sobs and by then I could not control myself any more. I know it's pathetic but I was so touched by the amount of feelings and emotions both genuine and pure, opened and expressed in front of everyone, vowed to Love each other till the end of day with no expectations and holding back. To know Jan as a bubbly person before made it even more meaningful and special.
One thing I've learned this time... I will always bring tissues to all my future weddings from now on!
Wishing Jan & Mike all the Love, happiness and bliss together.
Monday 7 April 2008
Solos
Went to see the Singapore made movie at the London Gay & Lesbian Film Festival recently.
The film was apparently requested by the local censors to have at least 3 cuts, hence the makers have decided not to show the film in Singapore at all.
I've to say the film was beautifully made. There was no dialogue in the whole movie, so it was up to the actors to convey the story through body language and facial expression... I also see it as a form of personal interpretation for the audience, relating their own experiences and understanding to the movie and the three actors (the Mother, the son and his lover who was his teacher). The most poignant image was when the 3 actors all sat together for dinner and it was just plain silence for a good ten minutes... something I'm quite accustomed to when growing up.
Throughout the movie there was sound, disruptive noises, sound designed to tell the story and to eject thoughts and emotions. The crescendo in the end.
The cinematography, the colours or the lack of it (was in black and white in most part of the movie) but also using colours to inject story line and message was just as powerful in the end.
The explicit scenes aside, it took a silent movie to make people realise how dumb we are in our lives, the lack of openness, the lack of discussion and conversation, the lack of expression, the lack of change, and the lack of freedom.
The film was apparently requested by the local censors to have at least 3 cuts, hence the makers have decided not to show the film in Singapore at all.
I've to say the film was beautifully made. There was no dialogue in the whole movie, so it was up to the actors to convey the story through body language and facial expression... I also see it as a form of personal interpretation for the audience, relating their own experiences and understanding to the movie and the three actors (the Mother, the son and his lover who was his teacher). The most poignant image was when the 3 actors all sat together for dinner and it was just plain silence for a good ten minutes... something I'm quite accustomed to when growing up.
Throughout the movie there was sound, disruptive noises, sound designed to tell the story and to eject thoughts and emotions. The crescendo in the end.
The cinematography, the colours or the lack of it (was in black and white in most part of the movie) but also using colours to inject story line and message was just as powerful in the end.
The explicit scenes aside, it took a silent movie to make people realise how dumb we are in our lives, the lack of openness, the lack of discussion and conversation, the lack of expression, the lack of change, and the lack of freedom.
At the end, the director and actor (the son) appeared on stage for Questions & Answers... Can't help but feel proud for his vision and determination. Though still some way to go before meeting international standards, but nevertheless a strong and daring message.
Sunday 6 April 2008
Smile
Simple things make me smile... bright sunny wintery mornings, seeing D, favourite songs playing in my iPod, D's texts messages, time spent with friends, time with D, a good book, TV ads, bright sunny spring evenings, cleaning, ironing and cooking to music, great theatre and movies, lazy weekend mornings with hot breakfast on my sofa, waking up to D, productive and effective work week, reading 3 different sets of Sunday morning papers with D and falling asleep after, making floral arrangements...
A friend's recent pictures on Facebook of his life in other part of the World made me smile too. Just knowing that he is doing fine, most importantly being himself and being happy. It's been too long and you deserve every happiness in your Life. Keep on smiling and keep on living.
A friend's recent pictures on Facebook of his life in other part of the World made me smile too. Just knowing that he is doing fine, most importantly being himself and being happy. It's been too long and you deserve every happiness in your Life. Keep on smiling and keep on living.
Since The Last Time I Wrote...
In the midst of all these craziness and news in the UK... young girl missing for 3 weeks then found in a family home, famous couple divorce case made public, kids getting gunned down by gangs, getting on the property ladder seems like an urban myth... and the continuous turmoil going on in the World... Burma and Tibet.
Getting on day by day with endless deadlines, work meetings one after another, interviews after interviews, entertaining clients in the evenings, searching from one job to another, always looking at pushing oneself with new challenges, earn a better living, no exercise for the last three weeks, ... when weekend comes, friends & endless social evenings.
So much going on.
Very often one is only trying to lead a peaceful Life... a good Life surrounded by his love ones... make a living and lead a decent Life... to be happy and content with what he does, with his Life and hopefully be a good person to all around him.
What's next? When do one stop? What and how one can make a difference? Where can one find refuge? What is this World becoming into?
Big questions. But no answers.
Getting on day by day with endless deadlines, work meetings one after another, interviews after interviews, entertaining clients in the evenings, searching from one job to another, always looking at pushing oneself with new challenges, earn a better living, no exercise for the last three weeks, ... when weekend comes, friends & endless social evenings.
So much going on.
Very often one is only trying to lead a peaceful Life... a good Life surrounded by his love ones... make a living and lead a decent Life... to be happy and content with what he does, with his Life and hopefully be a good person to all around him.
What's next? When do one stop? What and how one can make a difference? Where can one find refuge? What is this World becoming into?
Big questions. But no answers.
Wednesday 12 March 2008
Not Happy With This...
Love is a funny little thing. It can elates one to ecstasy, make one dance on air endlessly but Love can also hit you right at the core of your heart where it most hurt and make one bleed slowly to death... its like you being sucked into a vacuum, a complete void where your heart and lungs collapses ,your face turning blue, gasping for air, your eyes showing fear, scream but no one can hear you!
We are all different. We all react differently to Life. We put ourselves through whirlwind of distractions hoping to wipe out all our sadness and pain, but in the end we end up with more. What we see of each other can sometimes be all 'masked' up. Be it between mother and son, brother and sister, husband and wife, partners, and best friends... Behind every laughter hide a cry. A cry of anger, a cry of regret, a cry for forgiveness, a cry of hope, a cry for acceptance, a cry for Love. But there will also be times when one's cry was loud enough to be heard, and such cry is the most haunting, most painful, and most helpless.
We spend our lives finding THE One. All other aspects of our lives seem all secondary. That's how we are... We spend our time, effort, heart and soul fulfilling that space... That chance to Love wholeheartedly and hopefully be Loved back. That's all it matters.
But Life is never easy and never straight forward. There will always be ups and downs, there will always be rights and errors, there will always be hopes and regrets, there will always be found and there will always be lost. We can only do our very best to right the wrongs, and hopefully enjoy and fulfill this tiny Life of ours along the way.
Certain Love we cherish, rejoice and celebrate, but certain Love we let go, mourn and bury it to RIP. Many times we define our experiences to be Tragic but Beautiful or Beautiful but Tragic... we make that choice... we live by that choice.
I'm sorry I can't be there to offer you a silent shoulder and hug... but whenever you are ready to bury this emptiness, you know that I will be right there next to you holding your hand, tightening my grip and giving you that assuring smile.
We are all different. We all react differently to Life. We put ourselves through whirlwind of distractions hoping to wipe out all our sadness and pain, but in the end we end up with more. What we see of each other can sometimes be all 'masked' up. Be it between mother and son, brother and sister, husband and wife, partners, and best friends... Behind every laughter hide a cry. A cry of anger, a cry of regret, a cry for forgiveness, a cry of hope, a cry for acceptance, a cry for Love. But there will also be times when one's cry was loud enough to be heard, and such cry is the most haunting, most painful, and most helpless.
We spend our lives finding THE One. All other aspects of our lives seem all secondary. That's how we are... We spend our time, effort, heart and soul fulfilling that space... That chance to Love wholeheartedly and hopefully be Loved back. That's all it matters.
But Life is never easy and never straight forward. There will always be ups and downs, there will always be rights and errors, there will always be hopes and regrets, there will always be found and there will always be lost. We can only do our very best to right the wrongs, and hopefully enjoy and fulfill this tiny Life of ours along the way.
Certain Love we cherish, rejoice and celebrate, but certain Love we let go, mourn and bury it to RIP. Many times we define our experiences to be Tragic but Beautiful or Beautiful but Tragic... we make that choice... we live by that choice.
I'm sorry I can't be there to offer you a silent shoulder and hug... but whenever you are ready to bury this emptiness, you know that I will be right there next to you holding your hand, tightening my grip and giving you that assuring smile.
It will get better... I promise.
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