Spring Time In London

Yes finally we can truly say Spring time is here! And we might even have an early Summer... a hot one I reckoned!

With Spring arrival and Summer at our door steps... only happy thoughts and fun actions I vowed to myself! No more dramas! Leave that to the young ones!

So come skip down the yellow brick road with me!

A Girl Meets Bossanova

Chatted with S again last night.

Still that gentle and caring... Still so endearing...

We steered clear of the 'danger zone' but know very well that we were both very close.

Eventually we said our goodbyes and good nights.

One thing he didn't know... 'A Girl Meets Bossanova' was playing in the background... One that he kept playing when he was here...

Such lovely album Olivia sings... Such sweet memories...

THE Discussion

We've finally came to the point for us to have THE discussion!

Yes, S and I. THE discussion on where and how are we moving forward. THE amicable discussion that every couples have in a matter of time, and ours came after 4 blocks of weekend time together. I supposed our distance apart heightens the need for this discussion sooner than later.

It was all very genuine and intense to say the least. A lot of opening up, which I was so touched by his words and ways. In this short period of time, the impact that we have on each other, and in this short period of time, the feelings we can have for someone... somehow surprises me.

I can go on and on about the distance. I can go on and on about the pressure of when we see each other and when we are not together. I can go on and on of the joy and sadness when we see each other and when one has to leave. I can also go on and on about the stress of planning and putting a date in the diary of when we will see each other again even before we're apart.

Anyone who knows me should know better. The above are of course not ideal! Not in my definition of a relationship but with age comes maturity, and with my work life here in London, long distance relationship might just work for me. PROVIDED if he's the right one and gives me the right reasons to do so. With modern communication technology, modern transportation systems, and open communication between us, things might just work out! I am not saying this should be permanent! LDR should always be temporary and so long as we both know that and are willing to work towards a common goal, and throw in a bit of grown person's trust, go with the flow when we see each other and not having a fixed and rush itinerary, things might just work!

S has picked up the vibe. I've said no. I've told him that it's not going to be easy and not possible.

Why? Of course I've banked only on the 'Distance' trump card! S is great guy! He ticked most of the boxes! He's a very sweet and innocent guy too, hence I've to be gentle with him...

There is just one thing... It's a shame really. Just one tiny little detail but no doubt an important one. We will remain friends and I can see that we will be very good friends for a long long time. And that suits me just fine.

Thank you S for being yourself and letting me be myself. All the words you've said will always remain in my heart, and I wish the same for you too.

Moving onwards and forwards. Who's next?!

Untitled

Blank... Flat... Empty... Cold...

This is how I am feeling at the moment. Don't ask me why... just is.

Loads on my mind now... Work is good but can I be better? Getting my Permanent Residency this May but is it worth the hassle and money? Really love what I am doing in floristry but does that justify me changing career hence giving up all I've achieved today? Getting on the property ladder is my next aim but is that possible here in London? Miss my family and friends back home but is moving home the solution? Never stop giving Love a chance but how many chances I've to give before the right one comes along? Not afraid to Love but who can I Love? So is this it? For the next 35 years if I am lucky...

Random thoughts... All over the place right now...

Just need some answers... Have one direction, one aim, one purpose... Where can I find them?

Big Mama In Osaka

The news definitely came as a big surprise to me. Always thought this move was only temporary and for work.

Big Mama is my oldest friend. A friend whom has always been there for me through thick and thin over all these years. 18 years to be precised. A friend who took my hand and showed me this wonderful 'happy' world. Never pushy and just let me be myself. A friend that I first traveled with, and still a joy and delight to travel together today. A friend who helped defined my circle of friends now. It was Big Mama who lead me to Mona, than Mona to GFKC & G... every of my friends now can be traced back to Big Mama. Big Mama knows me inside out, even without me saying. Over the years, we've both went through a lot together and independently, all in the name of Love. Love for oneself and for others. Regardless, we have always been there for each other. For good times and for bad times. Even through the years of absence from one another, we've still managed to remain closest of friends. Both of us bind together with respect, care and Love.

There are still so many questions I have for you! You've thought about this carefully yeah? You are sure of this? Your family?

As much as I am so happy for you. I am also very concern of you too! You are my Big Mama and will only want the best for you. Quiting your job and moving away is a big step. I just want to know that you've thought through this clearly.

But you know what? I am so pleased for you too and whatever you decide to do, you will always have my full support! It's finally time! I left 8 years ago and now its your turn. Spread your wings, fly high and never look back! Good on you! I am so so proud of you! I really do!

You are always the strongest and smartest of all in the group and trust that you've done all your homework and thought through this carefully. And I'm sure Rho will take good care of you too. You deserve the best! And if he doesn't, he'll hear from me for sure! Well lets not frighten the poor guy just as yet.

So when are you leaving? Gosh I still have so many questions for you!

You have no idea what my feelings are now! It's just a mix of great joy and sadness. Even though I am here and was never around, but it feels like you are moving away from us! I know I've done it before, and this time round it hurts... Must be the age thing.

I really hope to see you soon. Please promise me to look after yourself! Don't ever take any shit from anyone! Be brave and strong! Never stop smiling. Will miss your laughter. Will miss everything about you. Let's hope that we can all come together again soon. No, actually we have to make a promise to do that! Wish I can be there to give you a hug and say goodbye.

It does feel like an end to an era but needless to say, also a new one begins.

New Adventures to have... New Journeys to travel...

My best wishes to you. Love you loads my Big Mama! xx

Requiem For A Dream

Felt like it has been a while since I last updated my blog. Work, plus S was in town last week and to be fair after the 'Big Night Out' on Saturday (first one after NYE), I'm only starting to feel like human again.

It's funny how one's action and mind affects each other. The power of trill and wanting to get the next buzz, somehow clouds up your thoughts and your capabilities of deciding what is right and what is wrong.

Frankly, is not as bad as it sound and not even close to 'Requiem For A Dream'! I promised! But being always wanting to be in control and always conscious of myself... having to relive the experience is something I dreaded most. Seeing myself in the mirror, walking out from a club in the wee hours of the morning, stares you get on a tube, spending the rest of the day like a zombie in total darkness... Are these than the trill and buzz I'm chasing for?

I'm not angel and I'm also not condemning anyone. Who am I to judge?! The experience is fascinating and fun, and with close friends around you, at least you know you are safe. But it's a fine line between recreational and habitual... It's a fine line between enjoyment and silliness.

By blogging this down will be a testament to myself that I will be responsible for all my actions and will always live my Life with absolute dignity and respect.

Recipe For A Great Night Out

How to cook up a great night out? Well just follow the simple recipe below:

1 x Intimate setting cafe / restaurant.
1 x Interesting, great tasting and good value food menu.
1 x A good selection of wines
1 x Yummy range of desserts
And the most important ingredient of all, 1 x a group of wonderful friends.

Cooking Instructions:

First reserve and pre-prepare the cafe / restaurant to be ready for the evening. Then mix the group of wonderful friends together with the food menu. Keep adding a constant flow of wines, and add a bit of seasoning (also called conversation) to taste. Let all these simmer on low heat for at least 3 hours. To finish off, sprinkle a bit of sweet desserts before serving up.

To see the result, please refer to the one that I've prepared before - my fabulous Birthday dinner at Canela last Saturday. It has all the above ingredients and the result was fantastic! A great night out with lovely company and all the trimmings! So good that the 'after taste' still lingers on the following day (for those who were there, you know what I mean).

Thank you all for coming and making this night so special for me! xx