Serial Dater

What can one do to get over a failed relationship?

Well one can try the good old reliable retail therapy. Take up a new hobby. Go travelling. Dust off your dancing shoes. Or re-establish your link with your friends again, whom I must say thanks to them, I am strong again. Basically there are lots to do except feeling sorry for yourself!

So I became a serial dater! For the last one week, I've arranged 4 dates. Two went ahead and the other two I've to cancel because it just proofed too much! I'm still learning the ropes :-)

It was great fun. All the preparations and anticipations, all the words, all the flirting going on throughout the evening, knowing someone new and knowing yourself again. It does make you realise how much you've lost yourself in the previous relationship. Knowing who you are and what you are looking for again. You always learned from your mistakes. You tend to be more careful with your feelings after each time but at the end of the day, you follow your heart. I do, maybe a bit too excessive but I do.

The 2 dates turn out to be really great! Two individuals with two different minds, personalities and no doubt two great decent persons. Would definitely love to see them again soon.

Before anyone start pointing finger, as you all know me better, I'm not one who is good at doing such things. So long as I know I'm not hurting anyone, that's where I draw the line. At the end of the day, we are only dating, so let's have some fun along the way!

And for those who are still trying to get over a relationship... Pick yourself up! Shake your pathetic self off! Trust me! There are definitely still more better fish to catch in the sea! Go fish!

There's No Place I'd Rather Be

After all these years of being away... All the travelling and now resite in London... As much as I agree with Fabien about all these brain washing propaganda, one way and is THE WAY, one sided 'democratic' shit... I can truly relate to the song this time.

I grew up in Singapore. My family, friends and memories belongs there. I've served my time in the army. I had my life's foundation build up there.

All these years of living in foreign countries has one hand taught me to be who I am today, to be strong and that I have a voice, but on the other it has also made me appreciate the cleaniness, the law and order and the efficiency of how the nation is being managed. We can't deny that.

The best way I can put this is that growing up in Singapore has taught me to be an open minded and humane person. To be able to understand what is right and what isn't. I appreciate the goodness in Life and at the same time will not support what it's wrong. All the so called supression has made me want to be free. All the negativity growing up has made me want to turn everything positive.

There's no place I'd rather be... for my friends and family.

Moving On

What an awesome day is was! Brighton Pride rocks! Thanks to my group of friends who has once again 'took' me in and make me feel and proved to me that there is more life than a relationship. To some point it reaches a hedonistic level (within my controllable level nevertheless) but it did make me feel free... feel of 'Love'. I know its just another form of escapism. A silly way but it did make me feel good.

Then I met up with the gang again. People that I've spent most of my last 4 months together. People that I've learned to know and care. A person that I've grown my fondness for. Someone whom I can call my friend. We laugh together and truly cares for each other. Isn't that what friendship is all about.

As cold as the fact about us, as much as the doubts and disappointments I'm feeling... is there Friendship after Relationship?

Friendship strong enough to be able to overlook our incompatibility? Friendship strong enough to accept that maybe some things are just not meant to be? Friendship strong enough that we can still go on a holiday together?

One side of me do want to go because we both need a holiday and I know we'll have fun together... but on the other hand, with all the fond memories of the holiday, wouldn't that make things more complicated. For me especially. Will I then be able to handle the fact that we are just good friends travelling together?

It's not easy. Sometime I wished for a On/Off switch but I'm not made like that.

4.52am

I can't sleep...

There's no such thing as a sane break up. Regardless of how mature you both are, there will always be hurt, disappointment and sadness. Regardless of the length of time spent, when one involves the heart, one is bound for heart break when relationship ends. Its only natural. Or is it? I wonder if he's up too?

The question is, how many of such mornings I've to endure till I find the One, whom will make me calm and sleep blissfully forever?

Can't help but feel like a twat! All these time, all the effort, my friends... yet again! I'm sorry guys...

Let's try to go to sleep now...

Finale

The time has come... yet again. I've pulled the plug.

It was unavoidable. All has been said. All has been done. In fact the sanest break up I've ever had.

We tried as you know but some things are just not meant to be. When it comes to relationship, we both have very different expectations and outlook. So why drag on and waste each other's time. We did try...

Looking back, one wonders why one choose to ignore signs. How one convince oneself that 'everything will be ok'... Why do I never listen to my first instinct? I should know better after all these time...

Disappointment for sure but its for the best I think... We will be friends for sure but just not more than that...

I'm feeling tired this time.

Theme Song II

Its funny how things evolve with or without you knowing.

A lot has been said, done, seen and felt. Loads of questions and this time with answers. Truth may hurt but it wasn't pain that I'm feeling this time.

Walking away is easy but the willingness to make this right surpasses any form of escapism. Think its age and maturity playing a part in this. No doubt that special feeling for each other too.

"I need to feel your presence!" He said.

"I am present! And I need to feel your presence too!"

We talked. We laughed. We were silent. We hugged.

"So are we good?" I asked.

"Yes we are... I want to make this work."

I will always care I supposed but this time round I'm not losing myself again.

The Sun is still shining... Had my song playing... I'm still smiling...

Theme Song

It's funny how things evolve with or without you knowing.

A lot has been said, done, seen and felt. Loads of questions but no answers. Or maybe the truth hurts...

The great thing about being in your thirties is that you can choose to walk away. Ten years ago I'll probably be in a sorry state but not now. Not anymore. You can either choose to be a victim and 'pity' yourself or not at all. I chose the later.

I'm the biggest culprit when it comes to relationships. Having so much focus on one person all the time and somehow always lose track of my own Life! My great friends, my family & my career! There are so many good things happening for me right now and I always choose to only concentrate on one part of my Life!

I do care a lot and I'm capable of caring a lot, but once I've decided not to... one should be very afraid.

Walking to work this morning... The Sun was shinning... Had my theme song on in my iPod... Me smiling...