4.52am

I can't sleep...

There's no such thing as a sane break up. Regardless of how mature you both are, there will always be hurt, disappointment and sadness. Regardless of the length of time spent, when one involves the heart, one is bound for heart break when relationship ends. Its only natural. Or is it? I wonder if he's up too?

The question is, how many of such mornings I've to endure till I find the One, whom will make me calm and sleep blissfully forever?

Can't help but feel like a twat! All these time, all the effort, my friends... yet again! I'm sorry guys...

Let's try to go to sleep now...

Finale

The time has come... yet again. I've pulled the plug.

It was unavoidable. All has been said. All has been done. In fact the sanest break up I've ever had.

We tried as you know but some things are just not meant to be. When it comes to relationship, we both have very different expectations and outlook. So why drag on and waste each other's time. We did try...

Looking back, one wonders why one choose to ignore signs. How one convince oneself that 'everything will be ok'... Why do I never listen to my first instinct? I should know better after all these time...

Disappointment for sure but its for the best I think... We will be friends for sure but just not more than that...

I'm feeling tired this time.

Theme Song II

Its funny how things evolve with or without you knowing.

A lot has been said, done, seen and felt. Loads of questions and this time with answers. Truth may hurt but it wasn't pain that I'm feeling this time.

Walking away is easy but the willingness to make this right surpasses any form of escapism. Think its age and maturity playing a part in this. No doubt that special feeling for each other too.

"I need to feel your presence!" He said.

"I am present! And I need to feel your presence too!"

We talked. We laughed. We were silent. We hugged.

"So are we good?" I asked.

"Yes we are... I want to make this work."

I will always care I supposed but this time round I'm not losing myself again.

The Sun is still shining... Had my song playing... I'm still smiling...

Theme Song

It's funny how things evolve with or without you knowing.

A lot has been said, done, seen and felt. Loads of questions but no answers. Or maybe the truth hurts...

The great thing about being in your thirties is that you can choose to walk away. Ten years ago I'll probably be in a sorry state but not now. Not anymore. You can either choose to be a victim and 'pity' yourself or not at all. I chose the later.

I'm the biggest culprit when it comes to relationships. Having so much focus on one person all the time and somehow always lose track of my own Life! My great friends, my family & my career! There are so many good things happening for me right now and I always choose to only concentrate on one part of my Life!

I do care a lot and I'm capable of caring a lot, but once I've decided not to... one should be very afraid.

Walking to work this morning... The Sun was shinning... Had my theme song on in my iPod... Me smiling...

Exit

Once ,we were both in bed. Chatting, talking about random ideas and dreams, anything underneath the sky, feeling close to each other, smiling, laughing, and falling asleep...

Next, I was woken up by a jerk, opened my eyes and he was not there anymore. Paused for a couple of seconds to make sure I'm feeling right... he wasn't there anymore.

Which was real? When was it a dream? Which do I want to be real? Which do I want to be a dream? Mixing the real with the dream... that instant was really poignant... that instant I knew I had used my heart to feel this time round... Feeling something precious and loved was taken away... something that went missing! And I felt empty.

The fact was both were real. We did had a lovely time before sleep. He did leave because he couldn't sleep and left unannounced because he didn't want to wake me up. Apparently I need 'assistance' to make me sleep quietly.

I spoke to him of my reaction. I told him not to leave like this ever again. He promised if he ever does, he'll slam the door and I'll see his back walking away with him in a flowy dress and his Jimmy Choos. An image that I wish I'll never have to see... in all respect.

I told him not to leave like this ever again.

Countdown Begins

7 Days = 168 Hours = 10,080 Minutes = 604,800 Seconds to go! We're almost there!

Don't ever look back. There are thousand of days waiting for you to explore. Go for it!

Weather Forecast

The best way to describe how I feel now is the great British weather! Lame sunshine, dark clouds and drizzling rain. Very uncertain. Very unpredictable. Very unsettled. Very unwelcome.

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. The usual work in London, work trip to Paris, long weekend away in Lisbon, hanging out with friends, and spending time together with Ryan.

Never thought I'm such a psycho bitch! On the surface, all seems so pleasant and calm but underneath are just full of doubts, despicable thoughts and ideas, insecurity and sky high expectations! How I am capable of creating something out of nothing... from thin air and get myself all confused and angry! There were times where I've to take a step back and bite my tongue. Take a rain check on myself and breathe.

It's amazing how things were not the way I imagined it to be many a time! How silly I was! But there's still that tiny little greyness, which I can never erase. Is it me or do I need someone who can bring me sunshine?

I blame the weather!