Exit

Once ,we were both in bed. Chatting, talking about random ideas and dreams, anything underneath the sky, feeling close to each other, smiling, laughing, and falling asleep...

Next, I was woken up by a jerk, opened my eyes and he was not there anymore. Paused for a couple of seconds to make sure I'm feeling right... he wasn't there anymore.

Which was real? When was it a dream? Which do I want to be real? Which do I want to be a dream? Mixing the real with the dream... that instant was really poignant... that instant I knew I had used my heart to feel this time round... Feeling something precious and loved was taken away... something that went missing! And I felt empty.

The fact was both were real. We did had a lovely time before sleep. He did leave because he couldn't sleep and left unannounced because he didn't want to wake me up. Apparently I need 'assistance' to make me sleep quietly.

I spoke to him of my reaction. I told him not to leave like this ever again. He promised if he ever does, he'll slam the door and I'll see his back walking away with him in a flowy dress and his Jimmy Choos. An image that I wish I'll never have to see... in all respect.

I told him not to leave like this ever again.

Countdown Begins

7 Days = 168 Hours = 10,080 Minutes = 604,800 Seconds to go! We're almost there!

Don't ever look back. There are thousand of days waiting for you to explore. Go for it!

Weather Forecast

The best way to describe how I feel now is the great British weather! Lame sunshine, dark clouds and drizzling rain. Very uncertain. Very unpredictable. Very unsettled. Very unwelcome.

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. The usual work in London, work trip to Paris, long weekend away in Lisbon, hanging out with friends, and spending time together with Ryan.

Never thought I'm such a psycho bitch! On the surface, all seems so pleasant and calm but underneath are just full of doubts, despicable thoughts and ideas, insecurity and sky high expectations! How I am capable of creating something out of nothing... from thin air and get myself all confused and angry! There were times where I've to take a step back and bite my tongue. Take a rain check on myself and breathe.

It's amazing how things were not the way I imagined it to be many a time! How silly I was! But there's still that tiny little greyness, which I can never erase. Is it me or do I need someone who can bring me sunshine?

I blame the weather!

Flower Power

I am a florist now! Well at least a certified one so far!

Did my last lesson last night. There was Champagne in the class and at the end got my certificate signed by Jane Packer herself.

Don't really know what to expect from here but it has definitely gave me a new insight of what I can do and capable of with floristry. It's something that I've been wanting to do and learn for a long time... and now I've done it!

Will sure carry on working with flowers from now, better myself even more and hopefully to have a tiny little humble flower shop one day.

One can only dream eh? :-)

Midsummer Night

What can one do on a regular midsummer night? Well you can gather one good friend, attend a special party at Habitat with goodie bags, free flow cocktails, DJ spinning and 20% off store wide. Followed by a sumptuous meal in Soho with loads of chin wag and laughter throughout.

Siok! Thanks for a lovely evening Fabster.

Something For Myself...

Just give yourself a chance... will you?! Stop questioning! Stop analysing! Stop 'protecting' yourself! Just let yourself go and be free with your feelings and Love!

Don't question the level of 'returns'. Don't question the other person's intentions. Don't question the other person's pass. Don't hold back. No 'What ifs?'

There is no fairness and equal in relationships. You give because you want to. You love because you want to. And you shouldn't expect return of the same because love is not a transaction, but if it does, that's a great bonus!

Love is not about finding the perfect person but finding the imperfect person perfect...

So go Love like there's no tomorrow!

5 years, 11 Months and 7 Days

Finally got my UK Permanent Residency! Just got it today. After 5 years, 11 months and 7 days... finally!

It's a very strange feeling. I am happy of course but still feel so surreal. Trying to recall the day I first step foot into London... just myself alone and my bags.

After all these years of working here, all the things that I've gone through, all the saddness, the joy and now looking at what I've achieved so far, all the friends that I've made, the life that I've lead, looking forward to what my life might be... I'm just so thankful and grateful for everything!

Since the day I left home, left my family and all my dear friends... Still young then (well not quite) with high hopes and the aim to break free and lead a new life. Studied hard and work even harder over the years... all for the sake of living my life. It's definitely a high price to pay for just wanting to live.

Have never felt settled all these years. Purely because of moving from a student to a work permit holder status for the last 8 years in two different cities, one never really feel belong.

But now...It says on my passport Remarks 'Indefinite Leave to Remain in UK' and Permit Type 'Settlement'.

It's indeed a new chapter of my life from now. Thank you all for being part of Volume I and look forward to more of everyone in Volume II.

Love xx